It’s dark times like these when Twitter can bring us together.
No, really. Hear me out.
Jimmy Fallon recently asked parents to tweet a funny thing they’ve heard a kid say.
It’s Hashtags time! Tell us a funny thing you heard a kid say, and tag it with #KidQuotes. Could be on the show!
— Jimmy Fallon (@jimmyfallon) March 9, 2020
The responses were hilarious and I promise you when you read them, you will all agree on this and probably only this: kids are hilarious.
Here are 15 tweets about the funny things they’ve said.
1. Say, why isn’t there a coloring team?
I asked my friend’s little sister what her favorite sport was. In all her seriousness she said “Coloring.” Me too, kid. #KidQuotes
— Hayley Boyd (@sparkley_donut) March 9, 2020
2. Little brother is two-banana.
On our way to school one morning, my nine year old said to his 7 year old brother: "Hey, so I just did https://t.co/eCgSHaXIhk, I'm part Banana!" #KidQuotes
— Sasha Guindi (@theguinch) March 9, 2020
3. Cheerio baby?
Last night, out of the blue, my 2 year old grandson held his tummy, made a weird pained face and said, "Baby's comin!"?
— ? Jen ? (@Jennife60216481) March 9, 2020
4. Okay, so maybe not so much muscle.
When my daughter was 7 she asked if boobs were made out of bone. I explained that they are made of muscle and flesh, to which she replied, "If it's muscle, how come yours hang down so much?" #KidQuotes
— Marla *PIPED WATER = CLEAN HANDS* Smith-Nilson (@water1stmarla) March 9, 2020
5. Okay, bye-bye then.
I was leaving my job the other day and the seven year old I nanny for said “Bye Mac, see you in hell!”
I wasn’t even mad. She’s not wrong ??♀️#kidquotes
— Mac ?? ᵁ ᵘ ᵤ (@_hippodelphia) March 9, 2020
6. Yes, but it’s an expensive fancy locker room with cucumber water.
I took my niece to a fancy spa
and gave her the full tour –
pool, jacuzzi, steam room,
sauna, solarium. Isn’t it nice? I asked her. To which she replied, It’s a locker room. #KidQuotes— Portmanteau at Home (@SadlyCatless) March 9, 2020
7. What’s with kids and boobs?
My granddaughter was in my room while I was changing clothes. She looked at me and asked…do all old ladie’s boobs hang like that??♀️ #KidQuotes
— Jackie BonnerFarnham? (@JackieFarnham) March 9, 2020
8. No, it’s decidedly not fun.
“This iPad isn’t fun.” -A child to her father at the ATM. #KidQuotes
— Cay (@caylamasters) March 9, 2020
9. That’s right, child. It’s good to label these emotions.
Me: "Camille, do you want to wear your pink sweater over your dress?"
Camille: *puts on gray sweater over her black dress* "No, I'm feeling dark and stormy today."Same, girl. Same. #KidQuotes pic.twitter.com/JJFr6vIc1O
— Adrienne Glisson (@Agliss1) March 9, 2020
10. Because of the tingling. I get it.
“Momma my foot is carbonated!” Her foot was asleep #kidquotes
— Amanda Butler YOURLRREALTOR (@aeb092976) March 9, 2020
11. It’s a conversation that can wait.
My little cousin once said “what if I poop out a baby” nobody had the heart to tell them that’s not where they come from #KidQuotes
— Elise☘️ (@mills__elise) March 9, 2020
12. Snap.
I was having an in depth conversation with my 4 year old niece about pokemon, when I told her that you can't actually catch pokemon in real life she told me "well not with your experience and attitude". I told my brother to ground her for a month. #KidQuotes
— Emily Davidson (@TheLezAgenda) March 9, 2020
13. Crib robbery works too.
My son said “Mom! Drama at school! An 8th grader is dating a 6th grader. My teacher said it was crib robbery.” I said “You mean ‘Robbing the Cradle’?” He said “Oh, yeah, that’s it.” #KidQuotes
— Samantha Walton (@SamanthaW42) March 10, 2020
14. Now I can’t un-read that.
My daughter was talking about how her daycare teacher was mean to a boy. Me “What does she do that is mean?” Lily, “She keeps calling him Michael BUTT-ler!” Me [hysterically laughing] “Honey, Butler is his last name.” #KidQuotes
— Mrs. Miracle (@MrsMiracleDSHS) March 10, 2020
15. Fine. Have your stinky boy cheese.
I asked my nephew if he wanted a grilled cheese sandwich. He started crying and said “I don’t want girl cheese, I’m a boy! I want boy cheese” #KidQuotes
— yo gabba gabby (@GabbyVillalobos) March 9, 2020
Kids outgrow their toys and clothes faster than they outgrow their mouths. But don’t they say the funniest things? And right when we need to hear them. What about the kids in your life? What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard them say lately? Tell us in the comments. We’re desperate for a good laugh these days.
