What does your morning routine usually consist of?
Here’s what mine is like: I wake up, I cry for about two hours, eat a bagel, and then I enjoy some hilarious tweets that put me in a good mood for the rest of the day.
And today we want you to do the same! Well, the tweets part, at least…
Does that sound awesome?
Go ahead and dig in! And have a great day!
1. Wait just a second! Back up!
How come I never heard about this before?
Did you know you have the right as an adult to make garlic bread anytime you want? You don’t even need a reason. Pasta doesn’t even need to be involved.
— Mommy Meme Jeans (@mommymemejeans) June 22, 2021
2. Okay, who’s up next?
Oh cool, it’s my turn today!
my depressed friends and I are all passing around "lmk if u wanna talk" and "thanks I'm ok" texts between each other like hot potato
— Meg Indurti (@megindurti) October 19, 2021
3. Are you sure you don’t want to add a few more pillows?
Just think about it, at least.
Women’s beds: pic.twitter.com/k7yBEhCjkN
— Idris Elbow ?? (@YallLuvCris) October 21, 2021
4. This is amazing.
Yeah, that phrasing is kind of weird, right?
I’m just remembering that my second year in America, someone asked me to “validate their parking,” which was my first time hearing the phrase, and after blinking stupidly in silence for a full five seconds I said “Well parking is really hard but I’m sure you did it really well”
— Iva Dixit (@ivadixit) October 15, 2021
5. Okay, I guess we’ll all just stay inside and read.
This weekend is gonna be epic!
AirBnB: no partying allowed
the House: pic.twitter.com/QvtS6sbiBM
— ꜱᴏᴜʟ ? (@purefulsoul) October 20, 2021
6. You are correct!
I thought the same thing…
I just know bugs rent these out for weddings https://t.co/t4OuquLJJq
— Næte? (@MobiusMarth) October 19, 2021
7. How am I not supposed to be afraid of change?
The world is scary and I don’t like it!
Of course I’m afraid of change, I changed from a safe lil baby in my mommy’s belly to a total bitch with a phone bill
— Hannah Boone (@boonecomedy) October 11, 2021
8. Please share your secrets with us.
We’d all like to know how to do this.
Hey people that can fall asleep due to natural causes every night, what's that like?
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) October 11, 2021
9. I think this strategy is going to work.
Jury, have you come to a verdict?
Me as an attorney: Your honor, nuh uh.
— sleepy jo (blame the yurkey) ? (@jojipaints) October 10, 2021
10. There’s a lot going on in those commercials.
You really have to pay attention if you want to keep up.
How bored am I? I know all the characters in the Progressive cinematic universe.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) October 10, 2021
11. You did the right thing.
I mean, you don’t want to get wet, right?
I was gonna go for a run but it started raining so instead I ate 4 hotdogs
— Adam Sokol (@SokolAdam) October 10, 2021
12. Don’t let anyone see this!
This is very sensitive information.
Parents love saying “delete this” after texting you the Hulu password like its the nuclear code.
— Justin Cappa (@justincappa) October 10, 2021
Now we want YOU to make US laugh.
In the comments, share some more funny tweets with us.
We can’t wait to see what you come up with!