You want the truth?
YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!
You knew I was going to say that, didn’t you? Well, I couldn’t resist, okay? So cut me a little slack…
But on to the matter at hand. What we have here are a bunch of moms and dads who are officially going on the record and telling us how they feel about raising their little monsters…I mean beautiful children.
It may scare you, it may make you scream, but this is what reality is all about folks. THE TRUTH.
Let’s get down and dirty with some parents who obviously needed to speak their minds.
1. Time to explain.
That would be kind of tough, I guess…
9yo asked why Big Brother was called Big Brother and was extremely baffled by our explanations. I admit it’s a bit weird to hear “oh yes this funny reality show is named after the murderous totalitarian villain from a classic dystopian novel”
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) August 17, 2020
2. You might want to get rid of that playlist.
What is this sh*t?!?!
Being stuck at home with my kids all year means my Spotify 2020 Wrap Up is gonna be all kinds of fucked up.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) August 19, 2020
3. Dad! No!
He was never good at Math, huh?
Teacher: There are 14 slices of bread in a loaf. What are the odds that your sandwich will have both of the end pieces?
Dads: 100%
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 18, 2020
4. Let’s move on.
That was obviously WAY too complicated.
Me, to son: “Let me open that Capri Sun for you; they’re tricky.”
*pokes straw through side*
“Damn! Get me another.”
*stabs through side again*
“DAMMIT! One more-“
*pokes straw through the side*
“Have some milk; it’s healthier.”
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 18, 2020
5. Toddlers are savage.
You bet they are!
https://twitter.com/AudraEqualityMc/status/1295080108034752513?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1295080108034752513%7Ctwgr%5Eshare_3&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.huffpost.com%2Fentry%2Ffunniest-parenting-tweets_l_5f3d806ac5b6dd1401493029
6. Losing your marbles.
There’s a lesson in here somewhere.
True story. As a kid I had a marble collection. I kept it for 30 years and gave it to our first kid when he was old enough. Sadly they constantly ended up all over the house. Worried that our 3yo would choke on one I threw them away. My kids have literally made me lose my marbles
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) August 17, 2020
7. This kid is smart.
Keep ’em coming!
8-year-old: How many doughnuts can I have?
Me: One.
8: One total or one at a time?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 19, 2020
8. That’s all you really need.
Make that TWO handles of vodka.
Just went & picked up our school supplies.
A pack of sticky notes & a handle of vodka.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 18, 2020
9. Good point!
Don’t spend your money on that anymore.
Who needs expensive lip plumpers when your toddler can hit you in the face with a toy train for free?
— 🖤 Just Heather 🖤 (@weedswildflowrs) August 10, 2020
10. You’re pretty good at this!
I have to say, I’m impressed.
I just yelled, “1, 2, 3 mommy is lava!” and my kids ran away, leaving me to drink my coffee in peace. I’m pretty sure I’ve peaked for the day.
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) August 10, 2020
11. You want to play a game, huh?
Well, you asked for it…
11 snuck these into the shopping cart and now I have no choice but to sneak them into our dinner. pic.twitter.com/ecE3B02xpW
— ❤️Hush Jared🤙 (@HushJared) August 10, 2020
12. The tiniest heckler.
Keep your voice down!
My 4yo thinks it’s fun to bring up special moments completely out of the blue. So all of a sudden I’ll hear, “mommy, remember when you forgot to water the plant and it died?” or “remember when daddy dropped the burgers on the floor?” Feels like we’re living with a tiny heckler.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) August 10, 2020
Now we want to hear from all the parents out there!
In the comments, tell us how things are going.
We want to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly!
