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Oh, those little angels of yours!
They’re absolutely delightful, aren’t they? And when I say that, I mean they’re delightful 100% of the time, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, right?
You know the truth and I know the truth. They torment you, they drive you insane, and they constantly push you to the edge of sanity.
But hey, isn’t that what family is all about?
Let’s celebrate the madness and the hilarity of having kids with these funny and very real tweets from moms and dads out there.
1. This is very true.
And you know it!
Parenting is 99% crisis management and 1% actual crisis.
— The Dad #BLM Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) June 29, 2020
2. Wow…this is really something else…
I don’t believe that I’ve ever heard that term before.
For all you parents out there who are losing hope…just remember that Christmas is officially halfway here, so it’s now perfectly acceptable to use it as leverage to get your rambunctious crotch goblins to behave.
— Tortured by Toddlers (@TorturedByTots) June 30, 2020
3. No killing of spiders in this house.
You have to make friends with them…
my kid: mom can you come kill a spider for me?
me: you know the answer to that
kid: *heavy sigh* fine. can you come make friends with this spider and then put it outside?
me: you betcha
— That Pesky Prostitüt™ (@LittleMissAngr1) June 30, 2020
4. That’ll show ’em.
You are in charge. You are the boss.
Flex on your toddler by saying they are three years old instead of three and a half.
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) June 25, 2020
5. What did you just say?
Cute kid…kind of…
4: Mom can I have a snack?
Me: Yeah hang on
4: Did you mean yes?
Me: Oh shit I birthed my mother
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) June 28, 2020
6. Lots of dance recitals.
It’s a different kind of dancing, honey.
On a road trip passing a billboard that says live girls dancing daily.
My daughter’s voice from the backseat, “wow, that’s a lot of recitals.”
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 27, 2020
7. A classic Dad joke.
It’s a real zinger that will never go out of style.
By law, all dads who pick up a packed suitcase to load into the car have to say, “Jeez, what did you put in here, a dead body?”
— SpacedMom (@copymama) June 27, 2020
8. You mean our kids?
This Dad is really trying to lay down the law.
My wife is furious that I phoned the police about some kids selling homemade lemonade in the street. Specifically "they're not hurting anyone", "it's not illegal" and "they're our kids"
— Pessimus Prime (@BigJDubz) June 30, 2020
9. That’s where it all started…
That was a dark day.
The year is 2054. My son sits down for his documentary.
Reporter: So what would you say led to your impressive and horrifying killing spree?
Him: Well I think it all began when I was six and my mom threw out my collection of kazoos I’d made from toilet paper rolls
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) June 30, 2020
10. Sounds like a real hoot!
Fun at the pool! Kind of…
My toddler’s desire to play in the pool is equally matched by her determination to stay completely dry so trips to the pool are a blast, ya’ll.
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) July 1, 2020
11. That sounds pretty ugly.
You know that the whole house is covered.
The kids were making glitter-slime and now my house looks like it was visited by strippers with the flu.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 26, 2020
12. I don’t believe this for a second.
You actually listen to your husband?
I don’t get why my toddler doesn’t listen to me when I ask her to calm down. When my husband asked me to calm down, I listen right away.
— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) June 30, 2020
13. A good age.
Let’s see what the next era brings…
I asked my 3yo to show me her age with her fingers. She was having a hard time putting up 3 fingers, so she threw the I love you sign and said, "I love you! One, two, THREE" then webbed me like Spider-Man as she ran away. I love this age.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) June 30, 2020
How are things going in your household during this crazy time?
We want to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly!
Tell us all about it in the comments!