Okay, children. Put down the Facebook and Instagrams. It’s Jimmy Fallon’s hashtag round up time. And this time it’s all about the kiddos and the hilarious things they say.
Look, I know it might seem a bit doom and gloom out there. But Fallon is here to help. No, he doesn’t have cash for each of us. Something better.
He recently asked parents to share the funniest thing they’ve heard a kid say.
It’s Hashtags time! Tell us a funny thing you heard a kid say, and tag it with #KidQuotes. Could be on the show!
— jimmy fallon (@jimmyfallon) March 9, 2020
Here are 15 replies that will crack you up and make you forget about life for awhile.
1. Kids say the darndest things.
#kidQuotes A kindergartener said to me, “You know, you could wear makeup if you want to look pretty…”. I was wearing makeup 🙄
— VIVA🎗 (@AmorPazViva) March 9, 2020
2. He heard that from his other Canadian cousin.
My five year old cousin said "Did you know that England and America are having a competition to see who can mess up their country the most and America is winning" #KidQuotes
— vicki (@vickilovestacos) March 9, 2020
3. He’s not wrong.
My son just got out of doc’s office where he got shots, came out crying and looked at all the other kids in the waiting and screamed “THEY HURT YOU IN THERE!”. You could hear a pin drop. #KidQuotes
— 🏈🔴Jeff Jones⚫️🏈 (@coachjdjones) March 9, 2020
Olive Garden Waitress Shredding Cheese: “Tell me when you want me to stop.”
Kid whispering to himself: “Never!”#KidQuotes
— Gabby (@gnsmith7) March 9, 2020
5. Daddy would be proud.
After getting in my daughter for spitting in public she replied, “Hey, Daddy said he wanted a girl…he didn’t say anything about a lady.” #KidQuotes
— Cheryl Barber (@barbers94) March 9, 2020
6. Where indeed.
I was at a friend's house and her 5 year old said "Mom I wanna make brownies. Where does daddy keep the weed?" #KidQuotes
— Angie (@cozbrat) March 9, 2020
7. What a little charmer.
My 5 year old nephew burped while we were at a restaurant. My mom said “Hey if you were on a date would you do that?” He said “Ya, and then I would just say ‘Hey, was that you?’” #KidQuotes
— Carrie Lewis (@kingsnsync) March 9, 2020
In a shop, when a man said something racist about a woman, a kid said out loud: "I'm surrounded by idiots" and I couldn't help but laugh for ten minutes. #KidQuotes.
— The Drunken Girafe (@DrunkenGirafe) March 9, 2020
9. Naughty, naughty bugs
My two year old son holding up a fly swatter, "This for spankin' bugs!" #KidQuotes
— Nicole (@Nicole21194856) March 9, 2020
10. Dads are friends too.
At the playground my 2 yr old said to me: "Hi Dad!" then said to another toddler: "That's my friend 'Dad'." #kidquotes
— Tyler Hughs (@TylerHughs) March 9, 2020
11. So does eating all your raisins.
When my sister was a kid, she used to hit her fist on the side of her butt while sitting on the toilet. When mom asked her why, she responded with "it helps my poo come out".#KidQuotes
— A.J. (@akeemjoby) March 9, 2020
12. Brady would like to pet you with his fist.
“I was not kicking Brady, I was just loving him with my boot” #KidQuotes
— Gabby Bracho (@gxbbybrxcho) March 9, 2020
13. Sometimes kids need to be punched.
“Don’t worry, mom. I think all of your chins are pretty.”-Tessa, destroying my confidence one compliment at a time. #kidquotes
— Kortney (@KortneyMayne) March 9, 2020
14. I’ve been taking bubble baths all my life like a sucker.
— Adrienne Glisson (@AdrienneGliss) March 9, 2020
Basically, what these tweets are trying to tell us is that while we’re teaching them about life, they’re teaching us about brutal honesty and how to get out of trouble. Which, you know is kind of what kids do with their free time: think up excuses for when they inevitably get in trouble.
How adorable. But I need a nap right now, so… we shift focus on to all of you lovely people. Fun, right?
What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard a kid say? Tell us in the comments.
You’re rockstars! And we love you!