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I don’t think the fact that people who work in hotels see weird stuff is surprising news, but I’m also not sure I expected the stories to be this strange.

These hotel employees are ready to tell their stories, but I’m honestly not sure we’re prepared to hear them.

Let’s get started.

1. That’s definitely something.

Ducklings.

The guest said the mother had d**d and started looking after the ducklings herself.

We found them in the lodge bathroom.

After that they were kept in someone’s office till the right people came to collect them.

2. I think they should have called the police.

My employer is not a hotel but an online hotel booking website.

We have been contacted by a hotel before who was “complaining” about a guest.

The guests were found unconscious, on the balcony, completely covered in blood, naked, with a knife.

The room was an absolute horror show.

3. I can’t believe they threw her away.

There was this one guy who stayed at least one night every week and he always requested the same room.

We thought he was maybe making drug deals or something so we searched the room after he checked out one day.

Turns out he was hiding a blowup doll under the mattresses. We threw it away and he only came back once after that. I kinda felt bad for him.

4. They got their money’s worth out of that.

My boss has told me the story of a couple on their honey moon

So we basically set out to try and get things our guests ask for and these newlyweds wanted a chocolate fountain. Sure, my boss thought, wouldn’t be to much of a hassle right? No, they had to search like hell to find one.

Well after the couples stay they check out and don’t really say much. When the maid is going to clean the room she basically goes in and starts laughing, my boss comes into the room to and there is chocolate f*cking everywhere, you could see her a**cheeks in the bed and on the table and even in the roof.

You could make out where they started and where they stopped.

5. This makes me mad.

Cats. Cats everywhere.

And a $100 tip with a not that said, “thanks for taking care of these guys, be back in a week.”

She didn’t come back.

6. I’m thinking that cleaning was a waste of money.

A man was having his house deloused and deep cleaned and wound up staying at the local Marriott that I worked for at the time. He was there for something like 30 days or so, drunk off his ass and high on something the entire time.

He never once let housekeeping in. After his departure, the cleaning staff finally entered the room. They were horrified not only by the stench of the place, but also by the utter wreck he left behind. Basically every single piece of furniture was severely damaged, the floors stained and greasy, the linens too far gone for further use, and rotten food everywhere.

It took a week to get the room back in rotation. No wonder it took a month to get his house cleaned up and free of vermin.

7. I think I would quit.

One of my relatives worked in the hotel industry. There was a guest who just left, and when the cleaning ladies entered the room, one of them noticed a pungent smell.

Went into the washroom and holy mother of god.

Apparently someone stuffed a towel filled with poop down the toilet bowl, and the floor was covered with weird yellow stains.

8. I…don’t know what to say.

There are always three rooms that will stand out to me above all else though:

1) We had this guy stay for a full week without letting housekeeping into his room. Each day we brought him new towels and new trash bags and he would meet us at the door to take them. When he left, we were terrified of what we would find, but the room was spotless. He had not touched a thing, and had even gone behind himself to clean with bleach. All the towels we brought him were folded up neatly, apparently unused. Even the bed was how we had left it. Super weird.

2) Walked into a family’s room to replace towels and do general clean up while they were still there and was met by their 12 year old son jacking off. This is after I knocked on the door and he said it was ok to enter. I immediately left the room and returned an hour later when his parents were around. The whole time I was making up the room, the boy sat on the bed crying.

3) Worst room I ever walked into was not dirty in any way. General dirtiness from use, but nothing special. Or at least that’s what I thought until I checked under the bed. There was a GIANT blood stain, taking up almost all of the floor under the king sized bed. We immediately left the room and called the police. I dont know if anything ever came of it, but we shut down the room for two weeks so we could completely replace EVERYTHING.

9. That is all horrible.

I used to serve room service in a hotel that was near a major national hospital, and the two locations had reached some sort of business agreement where people going into surgery could stay at the hotel the night/nights before for a discount rate.

During my three years there, we had about six guests d**during the night while waiting for surgery. It was always handled in a really hush-hush manner, but it was always f*cked up to hear about.

We also had a couple of p**n shoots go down in the guest rooms. Getting a room service request for four bottles of coffee and lots of wine at half-past midnight was always a good sign that something sketchy was going on…as was opening the door to see filming lights and tripods.

10. My heart!

We had an elderly (70s) couple stay with us once who were the absolute best. We offered a complimentary dinner around 6 p.m., and the wife had come over to the front desk and brought me a plate of dinner, saying “You’re far too skinny to get any girls, young man.”

I thanked her and ate it, while her husband walked up, gave her a leash, and she left to go walk the dog outside while her husband and I talked about what they were doing in my neck of the woods. They go back to their rooms about half an hour later, and I go about my business.

Around 8:30, he calls down crying, saying his wife won’t wake up. I go up there, calling 911, but I found that she had passed away, sleeping on his shoulder, while they were watching Wheel of Fortune.

I wept like a girl that night, and kept him company while he tried to call his children, who weren’t picking up their phones.

11. That’s definitely weird.

As the owner of a bed and breakfast place the craziest thing i found was an old battered notebook with “Why i love salad” written on the front.

And then literally 40-80 pages on why salad was amazing.

There’d be the occasional suggestion that the author believed salad to be alive in some sense. Looked like it had been written on and off over the course of several years.

12. That wasn’t in the job description.

I work at a low-budget hotel in western PA. Like two weeks ago we had a guest who was getting kicked out for not paying their bill (they had stayed with us for a few months but started slacking on paying what was due). Well checkout time comes, they haven’t checked out with the office.

We go to knock on the door, no reply. We go I side and find them (two ladies in their 50s) d**d from an overdose. They had apparently been d**d for around 12 hours. Coroner comes and we find out that he needs helping moving the bodies, so me and a few of my coworkers have to lift these two bigger d**d ladies and transport them out of the room, down the stairwell, and into the coroner’s vehicle.

Sure, they were in body bags at that point, but still it was so surreal because nobody saw this coming. We all loved them, they just couldn’t pay their bill anymore and k**led themselves. They left behind a “note of self destruction” and everything.

13. What did he expect?

We had a swingers group stay at the hotel for a few nights. They had a rave going on up on the second floor, there were naked people everywhere on the floors, kids were freaked out by it, other guests were complaining.

On top of that, families could hear the couples running from rooms and constantly f*cking. One guy had found out his wife was pregnant with another guys child so he decided to throw the tv out the window.

It was complete chaos and this is a luxury hotel.

14. I’m guessing some kind of substance was involved.

I had a guy who said his microwave didn’t work and I went up to the room and he locked a plate of food in the safe.

15. I hope they threw out the tongs.

I use to install flooring all over the place in various hotels, during one of the routine installations I had to move the bed, as soon as a moved it over.

I saw it, a behemoth of a purple d*ldo.

Absolutely massive, we ended up jokingly chasing the owner of the hotel around for a bit with it with it held in some tongs before we tossed it.

16. You almost have to be impressed.

Well..

-checked empty room left with doors wide open, on table was brown bag with over $20000 cash

-tried to wake a guy up to checkout, but he was d**d

-basketball team used a toilet for communal poops, no flushing. All weekend. The entire toilet was encased in a mountain of poop. They must have had to stand on the ledge of the sink and lean over. Or straddle one foot on the bathtub and somehow not fall into it. It took devotion. Horrible and wtf at the same time.

17. That’s going to be a bad Yelp! review.

I worked at a pretty crappy low budget “3 star” hotel in Canada a year back. On my last month there, a guest came in to request to visit a potential room. Now, I didn’t discover this myself, but I had no choice to afterwards.

The guest comes back after the visit clearly pissed and leaves without saying anything. I go check the room afterwards only to discover a pillow head completely covered in human feces. Someone had wiped their ass. Hell, even the room cleaning staff “didn’t” notice it as it was clearly obviously found behind a chair.

This was supposed to be a clean room ready to rent for the night..

18. That’s…curious.

A friend of mine worked in Housekeeping, she called me up one day like “you have to see this.” She’s in one of the High end suites. (This was in a casino, so for the super high rollers) The customer that had stayed was a regular; and she was a conservative older woman.

Scattered among hundreds of empty Sunkist cans are dozens of d*ldos, empty tubes of lube, other various s^x apparatus. No alcohol bottles, not even the nips from the mini bar had been touched, just orange soda cans everywhere.

19. That’s definitely weird.

Not me, but a mate of mine worked at an Ibis in Sydney (cheapish hotel brand in Australia, unsure where else) as a temp cleaner. Not really disgusting or weird, but the residents had decided to cover the floor in the bathroom with mayonnaise, and the same with the mirrors.

20. That’s one heck of a joke.

I was working at a luxury hotel and we had a fairly big name band staying with us. There were no noise complaints, and they seemed to be perfect tenants.

When they left and we went to clean the room, EVERY SINGLE PIECE of furniture was nailed to the ceiling in roughly the same configuration that it was in on the floor. I found it to be quite amusing. Management didn’t.

21. Like…how often?

A d**d guy.

Happens more often than you would think.

22. What on EARTH.

We had a guy that was active military that would stay often. He would leave his very large suitcase full of s^x-toys wide open on the bed for the maids to find while servicing his room.

We eventually had to ask him to leave the property and not return after he pooped on our very white towels and promptly folded them and re-hung them so the poop didn’t show.

23. None of that is ok.

A hostage.

Guy and girl meet a drug dealer at his hotel room. They guy didn’t have enough money or something. So the dealer tells him to go get it while the girl waits with him in the room.

Apparently the guy bailed and ditched his girlfriend with the scumbag drug dealer. When it became clear that the guy was not going to come back, the drug dealer spent a few hours raping the girl. Security went to the room because of several noise complaints. The security guy knocked on the door and heard someone start yelling for help.

He called for back up. While security was calling the cops the drug dealer fled the scene. When the police showed up they found some drugs, a big bag of s** toys, a g** in the room and a severely battered and traumatized woman.

24. What… WHAT… WHAT?!?!

This couple stayed in one of our rooms for a week, they would just ask if we would put fresh linens and towels by the door and that they would take any trash to the dumpster. So after their week of being there, and none of our housekeepers had been in that room for a week, one of them opened the door…

The first thing was the smell, it made our head housekeeper puke and she had to run away, they had defecated all over the walls and rubbed it in. They did it on the floor, television, beds, air conditioning system, and even clogged up the shower with it. We’re thinking they must have had a party of people just dumping in this room.

It was so bad that we had to evacuate the hotel (ask everyone to leave and pay for them to go to another hotel), call the cops, call a hazmat cleanup crew and it took a week and a half to clean this room. Today is my last day there. It was sold to a company that wants to make it into offices.

Last night I found an old man bathing in the pool, just for references. If you want a job with free coffee and wifi and never a shortage of ‘wtf’s’ then get a hotel front desk job.

25. Well, they’re sort of the same.

My friend said he found a crack pipe in the coffee maker.

This was in atlanta, ga.

26. I would still be mad.

My family is in the hotel business. One day a particular room just started to stink to high hell for no apparent reason. We checked everywhere multiple times looking for the source of the scent, no dice. We sprayed everything in the room numerous times with deodorizer to no avail. Left the room open daily for months to air it out without any change.

Finally, we somehow tracked the smell to the table lamp. We were dumbfounded, asking ourselves how it could be emanating from there. Son of a bitch had broken the thing, put a fish in it, and glued it back together. My brother and I d**d laughing and actually applauded this guy’s ingenuity. He got us good, and I ain’t even mad at that.

27. If only she’d shut the door.

I work at a hotel in Ontario and one of our housekeepers decided she needed to take a shit while cleaning some guys room, so of course instead of using the employee washroom down the hall she say down and did her thing.

The guest had forgot his briefcase and walked into the room to discover a 20 year old girl taking a dump in his room with the door open. She was fired

28. Uh oh.

Two guests somehow set a toilet on fire.

No other fire damage just a melted toilet.

29. I feel sorry for everyone involved.

A woman who was showering but got sick (food poisoning) and she went to throw up. While throwing up, naked, she then got the other part of food poisoning and spray shit all over the wall, floor, cabinets, and mirror. It was stomach churning but impressive.

The smell of this was horrid, I had to leave the room and come back twice because I needed to get some fresh air. When everything was wrapping up and security was just getting information for their report (we record anytime we have a medical problem at the hotel) I left.

I pulled out my phone and called housekeeping right away and said “We just had some lady go to the bathroom all over the bathroom. Send a few people out here with extra gloves, a bunch of sanitize and as much deodorizer spray they can find.”

30. People are special.

I worked hotel security years ago. I was working third shift during a convention one night, when I got on one of the elevators while doing a routine check of the building. The doors of the elevator opened up, and there in the middle of the floor was a pizza box.

Something about that seemed a bit off, so I opened the box by stepping on a flap with one foot while flipping the lid open with the other. Inside were two huge human turds studded with dozens of toothpicks.

31. Poor goat.

A goat dressed like Abraham Lincoln.

There’s no more story here, at least none that I know. Working as a cleaner in a hotel, went to clean a guest’s room, dreading it since they’d been there for a stag do, found the goat.

Don’t know how it got there, or how it was removed, but it made a good story for a while.

32. This story is one wild ride.

At one point in my life I worked the front desk at a local hotel. I worked the evening shift, and at least twice a week these two transgender girls (men who became women, passable looking) would get a room.

They would always go to the bar down the road after checking in, and usually always bring back a couple of guys with them. One night, my co-worker calls out and I’m stuck doing the overnight shift. It’s about 3:30 AM, and I’m finishing up the audit early because it’s a pretty slow night. At this point, you would go around the hotel and slip receipts under the door of each guest.

Anyway, I get to the third floor and the first, first and only, thing I can see is one of those t-girls completely naked, passed out drunk with a bottle of wine, bent over the hallway couch as if she was left waiting for someone to f*ck her (or passed out right after).

As I try to wake her up, she tries to pull me down onto the couch, then tries to seduce me by rubbing my thigh, all while I’m trying to very nicely push her hands off of me and ask her to get to her room before I call the police.

She lets off, and I agree to help her back to her room, since she obviously has no key anymore. I open the door for her, and once again, the first thing I get to see is her passed out friend, fully naked, legs spread and junk hanging in the open. Next to her is this odd brown mess, which only took about 1/2 second to figure out it was a giant puddle of shit on the bed, with a shit covered double dildo on the floor at her feet.

I left that room as fast as I could, gave the housekeepers a heads-up in the morning, put a note in the computer saying to not allow those two to check-in again. One of the housekeepers quit two days later, which I’m pretty sure was because of that experience.

Just when you think people can’t shock you anymore…

Has anything like this ever happened to you? If so, I think I want to hear about it in the comments!