Welcome to 40’s tours! We’ll be your guide to this exciting new decade of your life, which, we remind you with horror, is actually your fifth, not your fourth.
If you’ll look on your left, you’ll see ceaseless joint pain! And be sure not to turn your head too fast as you check out what’s coming up on our right – weirdly strong opinions about local chain restaurants.
But there’s so much more to see! We’ll let Twitter take it from here.
14. Bruise and use
We can’t know. There’s just no way to know.
Welcome to your 40s.
You will never again know where that bruise came from.
— Northern Lights 🦖🦎🐢 (@PinkCamoTO) September 13, 2018
In the end, it’s always about Mexican food.
Early 20s: I want to yell over the music at a bar for five hours and then get a quesadilla.
Early 40s: I can make a quesadilla at home.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) September 24, 2017
12. Bright ideas
And you’re gonna be mad at all of them for it.
Welcome to your 40s – you now think every car has its brights on.
— Sweet Momissa 🪁 (@sweetmomissa) December 14, 2019
11. Ups and downs
That’s just how it goes.
Your 20s: stop eating bread for 1 day, lose 5 pounds
Your 40s: stop eating for 1 day, gain 5 pounds
— Just J (@junejuly12) July 3, 2018
10. That’s my jam
They know their market – no pun intended.
Welcome to your 40s. Now you sing along to songs in the grocery store.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) August 21, 2018
9. Keep the change
Dang, you got a rebate card?
20s: Pay for drinks with change found between the couch cushions.
40s: Pay for drinks with the rebate card we got with the new furnace.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) March 16, 2018
8. EPIC PARTY
You’re not gonna believe this tray, y’all.
In my 40s my definition of an EPIC PARTY is four different cheeses on the antipasto tray.
— Nina Bargiel, Anti-Fascist. BLM. (@slackmistress) October 1, 2018
7. High times
At least the important thing always remains.
Teens: let’s get high and walk around aimlessly
20s: let’s get high and make art
30s: let’s get high and fuck
40s: let’s get high and see the Winston Churchill biopic
— andi zeisler (@andizeisler) December 29, 2017
6. Seasons greetings
To be fair, nobody under 40 has ever TRIED walking in before.
Welcome to your 40s where you're greeted warmly if you walk into a Hallmark store.
— 🌴 Envy 🌴 (@envydatropic) September 3, 2018
5. Risky business
Oh yeah. It’s all coming together.
They say people stop taking risks in their 40s but we just started a new jigsaw puzzle on our second-to-last day at the beach.
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) July 29, 2020
4. Ever after
Yeah, it’s not gonna go away.
If you say something super embarrassing as a teenager, I really want young people to know that by the time you're in your 40s – you'll still be thinking about it
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) December 19, 2020
3. Give ’em the bird
There are worse things you could get into, I guess.
I can already tell my 40s are gonna be all about gettin into falconry
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) June 15, 2015
2. Stupid stuff
It takes an hour to get through all the filler on the article.
Friday night in your 20s: Let's go do stupid stuff.
Friday night in your 40s: I need one goddamn hour of silence to read recipes online.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) April 29, 2017
1. Well, that’s settled
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Welcome to your 40s. This is the hair style you'll have for the rest of your life.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 29, 2017
Thank you for coming on this journey with us. Careful as you exit the car, you know how your back gets.
What’s the weirdest thing about being your age?
Tell us in the comments.