Man Struggles With Backing Out of Donating Kidney to Fiancée’s Brother After They Break-Up

Donating a kidney to someone is one of the kindest, most generous things that you can do. But one kidney donor found himself tempted to back out of the surgery after a sour break-up.

A man posted on Reddit’s “Am I The A**hole?” forum that he’d agreed to donate a kidney to his fiancée’s brother.

WIBTA if I back out of donating my kidney to my ex-fiancee’s brother after my ex-fiancee and I broke up?

For five years I dated a girl I’ll call Mia. We got engaged last March and were supposed to get married next year, but two weeks ago I learned that our entire relationship was a lie. Someone showed me a dashcam recording of her saying that she still loves her ex and she was only with me because I’m the better choice. I confronted her, she admitted it was true, I called off the wedding and broke up with her.

I’m determined to move past this as soon as possible and onto better things, the things that I should have achieved had Mia not wasted five years of my life. But there’s an issue that has me on the fence: I was supposed to donate my kidney to Mia’s brother Tom, and now I don’t know if I should do it.

Tom has ESRD and needs a second kidney transplant as soon as possible because the kidney from his first transplant is failing. I’m not that close to him and I was only going to do it because I wanted to help Mia’s family in any way I could because I though they were going to be m family. But now that I know that she was just playing me the whole time, I’m having second thoughts. Organ donation is a big deal, I will literally risk my life to give part of myself to someone, and at this point I don’t want to do it for the brother of the girl who lied to me, used me and made me a fool for five years.

Would I be the a**hole if I back out?

To break it down…

He’d been dating the woman, Mia, for five years, and officially got engaged to her in March. They were due to marry next year, and all seemed well for a long future together. So when Mia’s brother Tom needed a kidney, he stepped up to help. After all, they were all about to become family.

But then the man discovered that the “entire relationship was a lie.”

“Someone showed me a dashcam recording of her saying that she still loves her ex and she was only with me because I’m the better choice,” he explained.

He broke up with Mia and called off the wedding. He was then left with the difficult question of whether or not to still give his kidney to Tom or not.

“Now that I know that she was just playing me the whole time, I’m having second thoughts,” he wrote. “Organ donation is a big deal, I will literally risk my life to give part of myself to someone, and at this point I don’t want to do it for the brother of the girl who lied to me, used me, and made me a fool for five years.”

On the other hand, Tom has kidney failure and urgently needs a kidney donation as soon as possible.

Commenters on Reddit were divided as to whether the question writer should keep his kidney or go through with the surgery.

Donating an organ is a huge deal, and the repercussions of major surgery could make it even more difficult for him to let go of his ex-fiancée.

Also, the original decision to donate was made under false pretenses.

On the other hand, organ donation should be done out of the goodness of your heart, regardless of a certain relationship working out.

But on the other OTHER hand, no one is ever obligated to donate their organs to anyone—for any reason!

What do you think? What would you do?

Let us know in the comments!