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Kids will do just about anything to avoid going to sleep. Why? Who really knows, but it seems that nearly all children will deploy whatever stalling tactics necessary to keep Mom and Dad closeby for just a few more minutes.
Mom Kate Bowler, a professor at Duke Divinity School in Durham, North Carolina, decided to document all the questions her 6-year-old asks her each night at bedtime.
The thread is truly hilarious because, as Bowler says, “THAT KID HAS GAME.”
Every night, in the sweetest voice, my six year old asks me a question in order to try and stall me from leaving. I commit to documenting these questions every night for the next 30 days because THAT KID HAS GAME.
— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 2, 2020
For example, his sudden desperate need to know what pumpkins taste like:
Tonight: Mom…..mom…mom? Mom. Ok, mom. Have you ever eaten a pumpkin? COME BACK. Mom. Have you ever eaten pumpkin seeds? MOM WHAT DO THEY TASTE LIKE!!!!!!!!!
— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 2, 2020
Or his wondering about the sleeping habits of racoons:
Me: Goodnight sweetie.
Him: Mom?
Me: no. I love you but no.
Him: Are raccoons awake right now? Mom. They can’t kill you. MOM. They don’t have sharp enough teeth. MOM COME BACK HAVE YOU SEEN THEM IT IS SAFE I AM NOT AFRAID— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 4, 2020
Or whether any of her acquaintances are of the pirate persuasion:
He just yelled “DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WITH ONE EYE?” into the darkness.
— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 4, 2020
And his quest to learn a new musical instrument:
Night 3
Boy: Okay mom. Goodnight. Mom, why do you have so much hair? Okay, night. Why is hair made of cylinders? MOM. I want to learn the a-cord-on. A-cordial? ACCORDION. IT GOES LIKE THIS [frantically mimes accordion playing] MOM COME BACK ACCORDIONS ARE MADE OF BEES
— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 5, 2020
It seems like he has a career as a storyteller in his future:
Night 2 (sorry!)
Me: Goodnight sweetie.
Him: Do you know any myths…any legends?
Me: The legend of the boy who wouldn't go to bed. Goodnight.
Him: Oh, oh, oh, do you know this legend? Mom. Come back. MOM. It's about a giant squid. MOM THE SQUID DESTROYED MANY MANY BOATS!— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 5, 2020
Wondering exactly what Daddy does all day:
Me: I love you so much. Goodnight sweetie.
Him: does Dad have a job?
Me: yes.
Him: as a ghost pirate?
Me: not exactly
Him: right right right. That was a long time ago. When you were a kid. In the Civil Wars.
Me: goodnight lovie
Him: a long, long, long, long..
Me: GOODNIGHT— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 7, 2020
Well, that certainly escalated quickly:
Him: (yelling) MOM, DO YOU KNOW WHAT HELL IS?
……
Him: (yelling) IS MAGIC REAL? IS A MAGIC TRICK A TRICK?
….
Him: (grumbling) Well now I am thinking about if the sun is just lava.
— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 11, 2020
Of course, he believes his mom is so strong and great that she can do anything and everything:
Me: Love you sweetie. Goodnight.
Him: Goodnight mommy.
I leave. Storm begins. Huge crack of thunder.
Him: (from dark) MOM CAN YOU PLEASE TURN OFF THE STORM
Me: (yelling) I CAN TRY
Him: WHAT WILL YOU TRY
Me: LOVE I GUESS?
Him: THAT WON'T WORK….TRY SNUGGLES FOR ME INSTEAD
— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 27, 2020
This is exactly why the internet is so great. After all, where else would we keep records of adorable, precious conversations like these? It’s like a little virtual time capsule for her son. I bet someday he’ll look back on these and get a hearty chuckle out of them. I know I would.
What goofy antics do your children employ to delay bedtime? Do they stall at any other times, like bathtime or before you leave for work?
We’d love to hear from you!
Let us know in the comments!
