Parents love their children. But they also love their children’s bedtime. If at this moment, you’re getting some precious child-free moments, read these 15 hilarious parenting tweets that will bring some laughter to your so-called social distancing days.

1. We plan to use the coronavirus excuse until they turn 18.

The only way we’re safe if it’s been totally eradicated from this galaxy.

2. We will make them our personal accountants.

They’re way better in math than we were.


3. Meddling kids.

They shouldn’t drive a Mystery Machine though.

4. Barbie dolls are doing amazing things lately.

But even they are on stay inside orders.

5. Kids like lots of details.

They’ll even give them to you twice without asking.

6. Keep your judgements to yourselves.

We pick our battles.

7. Our children, future restaurant critics.

Make your own damn cold cereal.

8. Their scary thoughts are not our scary thoughts.


9. Watching our children is like looking in a mirror.

And then thinking of calling a therapist.

10. Toddlers are boneless.

How do they do that?

11.  We were not prepared for this.

For the love of God, where do all the pencils go?

12. Toddlers will absorb everything we say like sponges.

And make us regret it.

13. Children are great observers.

They grow up so fast.

14. What’s a long story to a child?

We’re afraid to find out.

15. Common core math is from satan.

Satan sent us common core math.

A pro tip here for new parents. At the magical hour of bedtime, you will want to resist the temptation of watching your child drift off to sleep. They can smell when we’re about to be happy and then their little eyes will pop open like it’s 6 a.m.

Just cover them up and run like the wind!