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Relationships are hard enough without thinking you can change the other person. In most cases, you’ll have to learn to accept them the way they are or move on, because it takes a lot for a human being to change.
Also, they have to want to change, which the girlfriend in this scenario definitely does not – and if you’re thinking that dumping someone over how they eat pasta sounds like an episode of Seinfeld, well, you’re not wrong.
This couple has been together for a few years and OP says he really loves his girlfriend – which is probably how he’s accepted and/or learned to tolerate her absolutely abhorrent table manners.
I [25m] am dating a woman [24] named Ally. We moved in together 5 months ago and I really love her a lot.
Ally just doesn’t have great table manners. She eats noisily and sloppily. In a restaurant environment, usually this isn’t too bad because of the natural ambient sound.
In a quiet room, it’s much more noticeable. I don’t exactly like it, but usually I can tolerate it.
That is, except when it comes to her eating pasta. It’s so loud and obnoxious that it causes others to take notice and whisper about it from their tables.
Even though he knows he probably shouldn’t care what other people think, the truth is that he hates it, too, and finds it hard to enjoy his own meal while she’s enjoying noodles.
However, when Ally eats pasta, she slurps her noodles so loudly that people from other tables look. It’s completely mortifying to hear people murmur about her loud slurping all the time. I know this might be normal in some cultures, but from where I’m from in the US, it looks really uncultured and bothers some people who are more sensitive to sounds.
I’ve tried to teach her how to use a spoon to spin the pasta into a ball. Nope, she doesn’t want to. I’ve tried to ask her to take smaller bites. Nope! That’s how she eats pasta and that’s how she’ll always eat pasta.
We’ve been to a local Italian restaurant half a dozen times, and each time but one (in a basically empty restaurant) she humiliated me with her loud slurpy eating.
I know I shouldn’t care what other people think, but I agree with the patrons. It’s disgusting. People are trying to enjoy a meal.
He told her that he wouldn’t be eating noodles with her in public anymore because he can’t take it.
She didn’t believe him, and thought it would be funny to promise to order lasagna but then grab spaghetti instead.
I finally got frustrated one day and told her that I wouldn’t eat noodles with her in public anymore. She can eat alone, or she can go with friends. I’ll happily drive her to the restaurant, but I will not sit down with her. She kind of blew off my message with a “oh yeah you’re perfect so I get it,” and I thought that was that.
Last night, Ally really wanted to go to our local Italian place again. I asked her if she would be ordering spaghetti. She rolled her eyes and said she’d get the lasagna. I agreed that was fine and we went out for the first time in a while.
When the waitress came to take our order, Ally completely went back on her promise and ordered spaghetti.
He didn’t order and left her at the table, waiting in the car for her to finish her meal and join him.
I told the waitress I wouldn’t be needing anything, stood up, and walked to our car. I relaxed in the car listening to a podcast until Ally came out a while later.
She didn’t appreciate him “embarrassing” her in public and now he’s wondering if he went too far in making good on his promise.
She sat down and started giving me the silent treatment.
When we got home she yelled at me about embarrassing her, would not let me say a single word without shrieking over me, and said that she’s only interested in an apology. I refused and she went to another room to loudly talk s*%t about me to herself (intentionally so I could hear).
I don’t know if I went too far.
AITA?!
Reddit has lots of opinions on this one, y’all!
The top commenter, for instance, says that if he loves her, he’s going to have to accept this behavior. Because she’s not willing to change.
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This person doesn’t think OP is TA, because he’s not trying to ban her from eating noodles – just not in public, with him.
Image Credit: Reddit
And might it start to affect how attracted he is to her in the long run?
Image Credit: Reddit
There are certain ways that people are expected to behave in public, and by the age of 24, you really should have mastered most of them.
Image Credit: Reddit
It sounds as if this standoff has been brewing for awhile.
Image Credit: Reddit
What say you, readers? Would you put up with this behavior from a friend or romantic partner?
Tell us in the comments if you would have done the same, something different, or broke things off once and for all!
