We all have at least one memory of something that we did that we wish we could just take back.
And ironically, it’s always exactly that sort of thing that will never leave our memories.
What is the most fucked up thing you did that still haunts you to this day? from AskReddit
Let’s delve into the dark reflections on the minds of Redditors, shall we?
1. “He’d been hurt pretty bad.”
We had a camper in this large campground at a lake when I was growing up. Tons of families with kids riding bicycles and golf carts up and down the gravel roads through the property.
There was this one kid that was a few years older than me (I was 10, he was probably 12 or so) who’s dad was the security guard and they lived on site and he was the biggest punk in the park. He’d try and wrestle you in the pool, throw rocks at you as you were fishing, ride off on your bike if you left it laying around, bully and hit smaller kids, even girls.
I was driving the golf cart down a pretty steep, gravel hill one day when I came up on him on his bike, going the same way as me. He never turned around to acknowledge I was there so I got up just to the side of him and turned HARD right into him. We were both going probably 10-15 miles an hour down this hill. He took a nasty spill and rolled off the side of the road and wasn’t moving. I kept on going, acting like nothing happened. We were completely isolated so no one saw me.
I remember him getting taken away in an ambulance and hearing that he’d been hurt pretty bad. I immediately felt remorse for what I’d done but never said a word to anyone. He or anyone else never had any idea I did it either. I look back now and think about how much of a financial strain I put on that family, seeing as how they were already living in a camper.
That was a really REALLY evil thing I did and it still crosses my mind quite often
2. “The carnival horses.”
I didn’t know it was f*cked up at the time because I was maybe 5, but I somehow still remember it.
So you know the carnival horses you can sit on outside of grocery stores (back in the 90’s). Well I wanted to ride one and this sweet old woman tried to help me get on, slipped, and really really hurt herself falling into the ride. I just remember hearing her scream and I got scared and ran away.
I’m 31 years old and think about that day at least once a week.
3. “Just looked at me scared and confused.”
Bored in the house one day alone when I was about 10, so decided to give my dog a shower, I genuinely loved my dog, he was my best friend growing up, but for some unknown reason I decided to turn the shower onto hot water only (extremely hot) and started showering him. There was a delay I guess in him reacting because his fur was so thick, which meant I kept it on him for a few seconds.
suddenly He started yelping like dogs do when in pain, his instincts were to not be aggressive or try to escape but just looked at me scared and confused.
I panicked smashed on the cold and cooled him down as quick as I could.
Fortunately he was not ‘burnt’ or had any ongoing issues, he never even lost trust in me.
I felt physical sick and ashamed in myself for days after, and obviously it still bothers me 20 years later.
The good thing to come from it is that I was so disturbed by my action that I have never knowingly inflicted pain on anyone or anything since.
4. “Karma, my dudes.”
Second grade, I had a classmate (fake name Sasha) who was kinda awkward. Crooked teeth, quiet, not too bright. Didn’t really have any friends within the class, though she did have some people she would hang out with at recess.
In any case, a boy in the grade above us, a friend of my brother’s actually, for some reason decided to spread a rumor among all of us that Sasha had lice and to stay away from her. I bought it without a second thought, and so did most of us; as far as I know, she wasn’t particularly teased, but she was just shunned. No one talked to her. She was around till the end of the year and didn’t come back for third grade. No clue what happened to her, but I really hope we didn’t mess her up too much.
Next summer, I got the worst case of head lice my pediatrician had ever seen.
Karma, my dudes.
5. “Such a weird awkward encounter”
When I was around 11 or 12 I started sleeping in bed with my dad. My mum was in the same room but she slept in a separate bed. My dad was a twitcher and would violently thrash around so she moved to another bed.
Anyway, I started sleeping in bed with him And One night I woke up to my dad rubbing and playing with my nipple. He was essentially feeling me up and I could tell he was turned on. I had no idea what to do. I didn’t want to say anything because I thought if he was doing it on purpose to me he might hurt me. If he was doing it because he thought I was my mum then we’d both be really embarrassed. And if he was just doing it in sleep I didn’t want to make things awkward.
After a few minutes he stopped and we just laid there and he tried to draw his hand away but I stopped him and tried to get him to keep going. I have no idea why.
The next morning my dad obviously told my mum what had happened and she said “your dad touched you last night because he thought it was me”
I tried to deny it happened because I was embarrassed but eventually said that yes he had.
Then my dad came in and apologized to me.
It was such a weird awkward encounter and I never slept in the same bed as him again.
6. “Absolutely vile.”
I was in a “friend triangle” in middle school where a girl I became friends with was super jealous.
She manipulated me into writing absolutely vile and harassing, h**e-filled notes to my other friend to “prove my loyalty” to her.
Honestly, it was absolutely vile and wrong of me to do, and I can’t believe I was weak and gullible enough to do it.
7. “She thought I was gay.”
A few years ago, my attractive neighbor was in my apartment with me.
She was extremely forward with things and even told me she was into S&M type stuff at some point. I thought she was into me at that point, we’ve been flirting for months.
Well she was looking around my apartment and bent over. She was just swaying her butt from side to side like she was being playful. I gave her a quick spank. I could not have miss read that situation any worse.
She was just trying to pick something off the low cabinet shelf. I’m still disgusted with myself even though I apologized. She said she was even more surprised because she thought I was gay.
8. “He was confused for obvious reasons.”
When I was 12 I was riding my bike around my neighborhood. I saw this guy. Probably in his 40s and started to approach him all “s**y like”. I cringe thinking what I looked like now. Anyway, He was in his car and started running his hand through his hair obviously uncomfortable but I still remember the look on his face. Like he was confused for obvious reasons but wouldn’t say no if I propositioned him. His friend started walking back to the car a minute later and I turned around and i rode away.
To this day I’m not exactly sure why I did it. I remember my parents watched a lot of crime dramas and I used to be allowed to watch them too. There was some s** and s** crimes etc in the shows and I think I was just copying the pr**titutes I’d seen.
9. “I won’t ever hesitate to help.”
My husband and I bought a house and lived across the street from a really nice old man who was probably in his mid-eighties. We had JUST moved in and only chatted with him a few times, but it sounded like he lived alone and had adult children nearby who checked in on him regularly. He was pretty independent and walked every day and did lots of stuff around his house.
One day my husband and I were leaving and looked across the street to see our neighbor using his push mower to mow the grass. He was hanging on to the mower for balance and looked pretty wobbly. We had to meet a friend to pick up some mulch or something for our yard, which wasn’t going to take long, but both said “Oh man, let’s go over and finish cutting his grass when we get back.” We ran down the street and were probably gone less than 15 minutes.
As we returned, we could see up ahead a fire truck and ambulance and several police cars. In the 15 minutes we were gone, he had fallen and hurt himself, breaking his hip. He never came back to that house again. He left and went to a hospital, then a nursing home, then d**d. I think about it often and wish that we had just stopped to go over and mow his grass. He probably would have told us he didn’t need help, but I can’t help but wonder if he maybe would have said “Yeah, thanks for the help”.
I won’t ever hesitate to help someone again.
10. “The fizz suds.”
When I worked at a movie theater I would sometimes top off regular coke with diet because a little bit of diet would eliminate the overabundance of fizz and allow me to finish filling the cup faster instead of waiting for the fizz suds to dissipate down
11. “I shot a bird in the butt.”
I shot a bird in the butt with a bb gun. It was a really weak bb gun, like, you could pump it all the h*ll, and you could see the bb begin to descend right away.
The bird flew away, and it probably stung like a m***F****, but it was probably okay. I am still sorry I did it. I think I was 9 years old or something.
12. “I was jealous.”
When I was in school I used my deodorant in the bathroom to write a nasty message about a girl.
I was jealous of her.
She was pretty, nice, loved by everyone.
I remember her finding out about it and asking why someone would do that because she was nice to everyone.
13. “Collecting money.”
I don’t know about “haunts” but it makes me cringe.
In public school we had this thing in our school called ‘Jumpstart for Kids’ where you’d go around, often door to door, collecting money for this charity once a year.
Anyway I was 12 and I liked a boy in highschool and he convinced me to take the envelope and go door to door and collect money… to give to him so he could buy a drum set.
I walked around collecting from all these sweet people who told me I was so nice for collecting money for underprivileged kids.
Fortunately I got caught and my parents made me donate it instead.
14. “Out of quarters.”
Provincial Park, pay shower, 12 years old, line-up to get in.
Towards the end of my turn in the shower, get the urge to poop. Cannot hold it. Using a sock to smoosh the last of it down the drain, water turns off. Out of quarters. Put a towel over my head, run out of there past the line-up.
Get back to the camp site, immediately change clothes, shoes, hairstyle, put on a ball cap.
Work up the courage to go by the area later on, it is all cordoned off.
Hear people angrily discussing how someone took a dump in the shower.
15. “There it sat.”
When I was a child I was staying at a relative’s house in a foreign to me country.
I woke up in the middle of the night really needing to poop.
The toilet was in the basement and the house was dark. I had no idea where the light switches were so I found a plastic bag, pooped in it. I panicked and ended up going onto the balcony to clear my head.
The only thing I could think of was to throw it as hard as I could. It ended up landing on the neighbor’s metal roof. There it sat for the duration of my trip.
Still haunts me 20 years later.
16. The longest seconds
When I was 17 my brother walked into a room where I was lying down on my back and stamped on my chest.
I saw red and stood up and punched him square in the face, unfortunately this was in a doorway in front of a staircase, which he fell down backwards and when he hit the wall at the bottom folded up in such a way I thought I’d k**led him.
He didn’t move for what seemed like forever and I was certain he was d**d, the world just spinning out around me. He wasn’t d**d, obviously, but knocked out briefly and he never laid a finger on me again, after being the kind of nasty bully who had spent much of my childhood just randomly beating on me for his own enjoyment.
Those were the longest seconds of my life.
17. A joke
In 5th grade a girl told her friend that she liked me.
I found out and left a letter on her desk to ask her to the upcoming 5th grade dance. When she found it, she came over and said, “Is this a joke?” probably because she was bullied a lot.
Freaking out, I said, “Yeah! It was a joke!” She cried.
Ended up going to senior prom with her after reconnecting, though.
18. Call me back
I didn’t call my friend back when he left a voicemail. It was a casual message saying hey, and I didn’t ignore him for any reason. Just got caught up in life stuff.
He k**led himself that night.
I vowed to never not call someone back again, and that was 13 years ago.
19. Burn it down
When I was 5, I burned my house down.
We were living in a small home, me, my sister, mom, dad. I was supposed to be in the bed, but I wanted a toy or something that was under my bed, and I didn’t want to wake my parents by turning on my light… soooo I grabbed my dad’s cigarette lighter and light the flame under my bed.
Needless to say it went up like a match. My dad tried to stomp the fire out after I started screaming fire, burning his leg horribly.
My room and the source of the fire was blocking EVERY other bedroom from escape, so everyone had to jump out of a window.
Funnily enough, I don’t remember the world-class *ss whipping I must have received for that. I just cringe at the thought that I almost k**led all of us being a dumb kid.
20. Cruel words
We moved to a new house when I was 8.
When an old friend called to ask if we could play together I said “sorry I’m too busy playing with my new friends”
21. The stalking
I was married to an insanely a**sive man. After two years I escaped and he k**led himself shortly after. Not sure if it was him avoiding charges, or avoiding his deployment but his family decided it was 100% my fault.
They told the police I gave him the gun and encouraged him. That was investigated and unfounded. What they didn’t know was he’d scanned and emailed me his s**cide note the wee hours of the morning of. The police didn’t find the note. Of course I handed it over when they asked. His family would not believe I wasn’t involved or at fault and harassed me for a long time. If I got a job and they found out about it they’d call and leave so many complaints I’d get let go.
Found out what I drove and had their other kids and their friends follow me. I ended up having to leave that town and disappearing to avoid them. But before I did, I printed a copy of his s**cide note, found his mom’s car at her job, and left it on the window shield. That note detailed the a**se his father put him through, his rage at his mother for never leaving him and making himself and his siblings live with the SOB. That he never wanted me to blame myself, that this was his way of getting the h*ll away from them and the damage he caused.
I felt pretty bad for awhile. But at the same time…. they literally wouldn’t leave me alone and stalked me for 5 years.
22. Don’t smoke
When I was 14, I wrote a note to my dad telling him he shouldn’t be smoking and this is why I was taking away his full pack of cigarettes.
I was taking them to smoke them.
I have never regretted anything more in my life.
I was at school and for no reason at all, I eavesdropped a very private and delicate conversation between one of my teachers and her husband.
Then she opened the door and saw me eavesdropping.
It was beyond humiliating and I deserved the scolding afterwards.
I was young and stupid obviously, but when I remember the look on her face, I still cringe hard, even if it’s been almost 20 years.
24. Third person
Had a babysitter who was a kind middle aged woman with no kids of her own.
Her only fault was that she kept referring to herself in the third person.
One day 8 year old me snapped at told her to shut the h*ll up…. she cried.
I still feel bad about it 25 years later.
25. Paid in full
I was living in a large city where aggressive panhandling is very common, especially while pumping gas.
I was in my military uniform about to head to the base and had to stop and get gas. Swiped my credit card as normal and started pumping, and after a minute or two it clicked off at $10 or $20 (can’t remember) which annoyed me since I normally fill up completely and didn’t feel like swiping my card again to do a second transaction. I said screw it, I’ll fill up later, this will get me to base.
As I go to put the pump away and get back into my car, a guy wearing gym shorts and a t shirt approaches me and starts with “excuse me mister” and since this exact scenario had happened to me countless times followed immediately by asking for money, I cut him off and said “sorry man I can’t help you.” As I got into my car and quickly started it up and drove off I heard the guy say something along the lines of “What do you mean? I just paid for your gas that’s all” and I immediately realized that the guy had noticed me and had the gas station attendant void my card swipe and paid cash for my gas and that’s why it clicked off early, and I proceeded to d** inside and still cringe when I think about it.
To this day I always let strangers finish their sentence before jumping to assumptions, even though the hundreds of times it’s happened since then has always been a panhandling attempt. If you are out there man, I am eternally sorry ?
26. Party poopers
Probably around 12 years old, was rollerblading with my friend in the park.
Came across a picnic setup with happy birthday streamers and balloons. No one was there so we assumed it was over and they had left it. We proceeded to tear most of it down.
As we were about to leave a mother and her kid walk up and ask what happened. We lied and said someone else did it then took off. Have felt absolutely terrible since, totally ruined that kids birthday.
27. I’m fine
My psychotic depressive episode five years ago where I drank laundry detergent, drank my own p*ss, assaulted a hospital worker and got restrained, bashed my head against a toilet in an attempt to break my skull – all while thinking I was completely normal and sane and didn’t need to be in the psych ward and the doctors were going to kick me out on the streets any day once they realized I was actually not sick.
Psychotic depression is absolute h*ll and I am so appalled at my behavior. It’s not like you blackout and forget what happens.
I have to live with what I did every day. I’m only now just beginning to feel stable again.
– [deleted user]
28. The summer job
When I first graduated high school I got a summer job helping around the construction site with one of my friends that just graduated high school with me. We were just a couple laborers that didn’t know anything, We were doing odd jobs in general cleanup around the job site consisted of 32 houses in two cul-de-sacs.
One of the houses was getting the sewer installed and my friend was out in the front yard and I realized I could hear him through the open sewer line (I was in the basement and was talking to him through the pipe.) For some reason I threw a piece of three foot 3/4” inch PVC down the sewer line and it had gotten stuck at the clean out fitting in the yard.
I did not think anything of it until three months later when the house was done went to settlement and the new homeowners started flushing the toilet and their toilet started backing up. The plumber on the job was freaking out because how could there be a clog in a brand new plumbing system he just installed a few months before!? The whole yard had to get dug up with a backhoe and I watched the plumber pull out stagnant feces, tampons toilet paper you name it it was in there…It was the most disgusting thing I ever saw and he was reaching in there up to his shoulder with bare hands.
He could not find the clog they kept chasing the pipe back until they eventually cut out a 10 foot section of pipe and found that there was a piece of three-quarter inch PVC inside of the 4 inch sewer.
My friend and I didn’t say a word. The plumber was super p*ssed and they ended up putting a camera down the 16 other houses he had already done that people moved into worrying they would find the same thing somewhere else.
It was probably a good $25,000 worth of damage. Dumbest thing I ever did.
29. End the cycle
Smacked my step sister across the face when I was watching her (she was 5 I was 17). I felt so bad afterwards and just profusely apologized.
I was raised being a**sed and the power I felt when I did that scared me to d**th.
I have a child now and have never raised my hand to her.
I had to break that cycle before it destroyed me.
30. That poor mouse
Last year my cat brought a mouse into the house and let it go inside. It disappeared for an hour, then I heard my cat running around.
At this point I already had some tupperware ready, so I ran to my cat, and slammed it on the mouse.
Only thing is I managed to slam it right in the middle of it’s spine and k**led it in the process.
The mouse was so cute and small and innocent, and to think it lived it’s last hour in fear…
Kinda makes you wish the memory erasing tech in Eternal Sunshine was real, no?
What memory still haunts you?
Tell us in the comments.