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One of the best things about this life is having a truly good friend who is always there for you.
But how can you tell when it’s the real thing? Maybe Reddit can help.
What are some of the “green flags” of a true freindship?
byu/TheGingerGlasses inAskReddit
Here are some sure-fire signs to look out for.
1. “Get a divorce”
When my dad got divorced, he found a lot of his friends were really just my mom’s friends.
He had exactly ONE friend who helped him pack up and move. His joke after this was if you win the lottery, you’ll find out real quick how big your family apparently is. But if you wanna find out how many friends you have, get a divorce.
The lesson here is that a true friend will stand by you even in a really dark place where they have absolutely nothing to benefit from standing by your side, and even in some cases, something to lose.
– wehosh
2. Stepping up and stepping in
I got the news that my grandma was dying this past Tuesday.
Unfortunately I had work at 4 and class before hand so I planned on going to see her the next day. But my sister was insistent that she wasn’t going to make.
Texting my group chat I asked my other shift leads (only can switch with a SL due to me being a SL) to ask if anyone could cover. No one answered. I left for work early. At the shop, I was beyond frustrated at my friends that I started ranting to my old co worker ( and now my absolute best friend) who quit a few weeks ago.
He jokingly said he could cover if my boss let him. Literally a few mins later my boss walks in, and in tears I explained to him my situation and agreed to let my friend cover my shift for me. My friend agreed and he came in to the shop literally 20 mins later.
I was able to see my grandma and say my goodbyes that night. My grandma passed away an hour after I left. The realest of them all.
– nutttymeag
3. Hot gossip.
When nothing you ever told them ends up as gossip.
– MorgainofAvalon
4. Laughter
Being able to make each other laugh.
Really, truly, help-I-can’t-breathe laughter.
I didn’t realize how rare it was until it was too late.
– hamanar
5. Listening skills
When they listen to your problems and give you intelligent solutions, or remember something you once told them that was important to you.
– NotAnNSASpySatellite
6. The list
For me, there are usually a lot of those little green flags, but a few stand out.
1) You can tell that the person is genuinely concerned or truly sad when something terrible and/or heartbreaking happens to you.
2) They become angry on your behalf whenever someone hurts you, disrespects you, screws you over, etc., and they go into protective mode for you.
3) They’ll remind you of all the great things about yourself during those dark times when you can’t see such things so clearly.
4) They remember details about things you’ve discussed with them.
5) They let that song that you love play until the end – even if it’s a song they don’t really dig.
– SquirrellyRabbit
7. Pitching in
I’ve always noticed that with new acquaintances that turned out later to become good friends of mine there’s a big focus on respect, consideration, and reciprocity from the get go.
Obviously it’s cool to take turns buying lunch for each other but I’ve also hosted new friends that would clean up for me before they left while my old friends leave beer cans everywhere.
That new person expressed through their actions “I respect you offering your home, that’s why I considered to return you at least a small favor of cleaning up my mess just because I appreciate the relationship we have”.
– Layton115
8. No expectations
Doing things for you without any expectation of reciprocation.
– RedditRam24
9. Checking in
When they will stop doing stuff they like or want to do in order to see if you’re okay or need anything.
– CSPStuff
10. How far will you go?
Loyalty with a breaking point.
Obviously all friends should be loyal, but I think the best things one of my best friends ever did for me was threaten to end our friendship.
I liked a girl who was toxic, but I kept going back to her. My friend and I were on the phone one night and I told her I was talking to this girl again and she just got real quiet and she said “I know how bad she has hurt you before because you tell me. And I tell you every time she’s not worth it, but you keep going back. I can’t keep seeing you get your heart broken when it’s your choice because then I pick up the pieces and you do it again. If you do this, eventually we’re going to wake up one day and we won’t be friends.”
Talk about the strongest kick of realization I ever had. My friend had known me so much longer than this girl. And she had never done anything to screw me over like this girl had. I told the toxic girl that night and told her I didn’t want to be friends anymore.
So, loyalty, but with a breaking point.
– expletiveinyourmilk
11. Feeling comfortable
When you’re with them and you don’t have to second guess anything or feel self-conscious. When you can just say what you want to say without rehearsing it first.
(Of course, this differs depending on your level of social anxiety, but I find that in general you should feel more at ease around true friends).
– iniestas
12. Secrets
You can tell them your deepest darkest Secrets the things that you’re ashamed of and embarrassed about and know there will be no judgement
– kcpstil
13. REAL secrets
They tell you about the bodies even when they haven’t asked for your help burying them.
– AsboZapruder
14. Pick back up
Even if you haven’t seen each other in a while you’re able to pick up right where you both left off.
– radpandaparty
15. Non-compete
When they don’t try to compete with you, aren’t jealous of you, truly are happy for you when good things happen to you don’t give you back handed compliments and don’t put you down.
When they don’t talk bad about you behind your back.
Good friends listen to you, care about you and are there by your side through good and bad times.
– Fitbarbie1
16. Text first
They text you first when they don’t want anything.
– SilasDeane76
17. Protection
My friend once told me ” I Won’t let anyone hurt you man, even yourself” while helping me get off drugs.
That always rang out as a true friend thing to say to someone.
– Generalkrunk
18. No judgment
When they don’t judge you for things you can’t control. In high school, I had a sleepover, we all slept in the same bed, like normal.
I’d recently started some new medication. Turns out, a side effect was bedwetting.
They never told anyone. They never judged me. They helped me change the sheets. I’m still friends with those girls.
– SheketBevakaSTFU
19. Nothing and everything
When you can talk about nothing and talk about deep things.
Lots of friends only have one or the other.
– kraftykitten
20. Confidence
When you don’t have to talk 24/7 to know that you’re there for each other no matter what.
And when you do see/talk to each other again, it’s like no time has passed at all – you just have more stories to tell.
– ridiculoys
21. Hang time
“wanna hang out” then you don’t hang out and neither of you mind and then you hang out next week
– JAdamsidk123
22. The reverse
They’ll make fun of you to your face and defend you behind your back.
– Duluthian378181
23. The night life
When its 3am, you KNOW its 3am, NEITHER OF YOU ARE HIGH, and yet you’ve both been chortling at something that was said at 10:30…
– RedditGremlin13
24. Always welcome
When they can walk into your house unannounced and be welcomed in like a blood brother who’s come back after being away for the weekend
– jorph
25. Pick me up
You’ve both picked each other up or dropped each other at the airport at some ungodly hour and still enjoyed the drive.
– findingthescore
26. Silence is golden
Not needing to talk all the time or hang out regularly to justify having a solid friendship.
– themarajade1
27. It’s all convenient
They don’t mind being “inconvenienced” by you (in other words they don’t mind helping you/ being there for you)
– Jazz_Xyz
28. Feeling seen
When you can recognize someone’s mood without them telling you that they are upset.
– Oreo-and-Fly
29. Just to vent
I think the best thing I’ve heard from one of the few friends I’ve had is when I was having a real sh*t day and they asked if I wanted advice, just to vent, or needed a distraction.
The intention that day had been to help paint some walls in her house. She was perfectly fine with me hanging out and chatting, curled up in a blanket on the couch, while she painted her own walls and then we ordered takeout.
The sh*t was bad, but the day wound up pretty good.
– ElectronicFerret
30. Hmm…
One of my friends understands pretty much exactly what me going “hmm” at different lengths and pitches means.
– Trans-Trash-0310
If you’ve got yourself a friend that fits any of those descriptions, hang on to ’em.
What else would you add to this list?
Tell us in the comments.
