Ahhhh, married life. When it’s new, you can’t stop staring into each other’s eyes, you can’t keep your hands off each other, and you feel like it’ll be that way forever.
And then…the spark wears off and you settle into the humdrum, day-to-day routines…and then you start to get annoyed with each other.
Which might be irritating for you, but it’s comedy gold for the rest of us!
So all of us can enjoy these tweets together!
1. It’s over!
*watching husband sleep*
Me: "I just love him so much, he's my everyth-"
Me: "I can't live like this."
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 28, 2016
2. You can’t do this to me.
Husband: *crying* Please don’t do this to our family. I beg you.
Me: *adding another diy home improvement to my Pinterest board*
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 19, 2019
3. I can help you out with that.
Me: I'm mad at myself, and I don't know why.
Wife: Would you like some reasons?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 17, 2019
4. It’s all mine.
Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn't wanna share.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) December 30, 2015
5. These are all very important.
Before you marry someone:
1. Listen to them eat a bowl of cereal.
2. Ask them which side of the bed they sleep on.
3. Watch them brush their teeth.
4. Make sure you are temperature compatible.
5. Survive one cold and flu season at minimum.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) July 28, 2019
6. “I don’t recall that.”
Marriage is reminding one about a conversation you know you had while the other swears it never happened.
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) February 7, 2019
7. That’s pretty hot.
I kind of wish my spouse would get a side piece but only for talking endlessly about our home security system.
— The Betty (@BoomBoomBetty) August 14, 2019
8. This is non-negotiable.
Me: Look, I love you, But I made exactly the amount of cheese & crackers I want to eat right now.
Wife: But I only…
Me: EXACTLY the amount
— keith (@tchrquotes) November 4, 2014
9. It never ends…
Nothing in life can prepare you for how much of marriage is spent just listening to someone cough.
— bela lugosi's beth (@bourgeoisalien) May 3, 2016
10. Now I’m mad.
Marriage is saying you're not mad but he says you sound like you're mad & by the end of it all you end up being mad.
— ?Sarcastic Mommy? (@sarcasticmommy4) April 22, 2016
11. When the real magic happens.
You may be married but you aren’t married married until you are in a home furnishings store together and you brought your own tape measure.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 12, 2019
12. Why do you ask?
WIFE: you forgot to run the dishwasher again, didn't you?
ME: [drinking milk from a flower vase] no, why?
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) November 16, 2016
13. Who will die first?
Marriage is just texting each other "Do we need anything from the grocery store?" a bunch of times until one of you dies.
— Daniel Carrillo (@DanielRCarrillo) July 15, 2015
14. That long, huh?
I've been married for about 45 lbs.
— Sparky (@crunchenhanced) March 25, 2014
15. Something to look forward to…
Her: Is it in?
Him: No not yet
Her: Put it In now!
Him: Ok it's in…
Her: Ok set the timer. No one likes burnt lasagna!
— Will Rodgers (@WilliamRodgers) May 23, 2014
Those are painful…and accurate!
How long did the Honeymoon Phase last for you and your spouse?
Sound off in the comments below!