This Guy Said His Mother-in-Law Ruined a Birthday Party. Was He Wrong?

When it comes to in-laws, things can be…tense.

And we’re about to get a major dose of family drama from a man who had a little spat with his mother-in-law…uh oh…

Let’s take a look at what in this story from Reddit’s “Am I The A**hole?” page.

AITA for telling my wife her mom ruined wife’s birthday day party for me?

“I have been rethinking the events of last night over and over again. Think I can use some honest opinion.

Backstory: Me and my wife have been married for almost 7 years now. We dated for 4 years. Just a month before our wedding, her father passed away. I was abroad during that time, studying. Being a broke student in the middle of the semester, I couldn’t be there earlier and support her in person throughout her grieving process.

It took a big toll in the first couple of years of our marriage. For some reason events like birthdays has been specially sensitive. But we both put tremendous effort and things have improved a lot over the past 2-3 years. We are in a much better place now.

Fast forward last month. My mother-in-law came to visit us (we live abroad) for 1 month. She’s also trying to cope with her husband passing for a long time. As a result she’s particularly clingy about her daughter (my wife). She also developed some psychological issues such as being in denial and forgetfulness. I fully learned about her issues very recently and I have been trying to adopt be mindful about her issues. This is very new to me but I have been trying.

Main story: my wife’s birthday is today. Her mom wanted to celebrate it with a party since she’s with us. I have been planning about it too. I wanted to surprise her with couple of her friends. Due to her issues, I didn’t mention anything to MIL. Somehow everything went perfect and my wife had no idea what I was planning.

She came from work today and as she went to the room to freshen up, I quickly decorated our dining room and did the final touch. Wife’s friends are outside, ready to come in to surprise her. MIL comes out, sees all the decorations. I explained her not to tell my wife. 2 minutes later MIL went to wife and gave her a hint of the surprise party! I was devastated. I planned it for so long and I was able to execute it till the last minute.

The party went great. But I felt really sad. All those efforts went to s**t in the last 2 minutes. Admittedly I have been quiet throughout the party. ( Edit: quick clarification – I wasn’t sitting a corner during the party. I fully participated, hosted and engaged all our guests. My wife knows me and that’s why she figured something was wrong.)

Later at night, I was sitting quietly, wife started asking what was wrong with me. I said I didn’t want her to bring this up on her birthday. But she insisted. So I admitted to her that, her mom’s action made me upset. I understand she has psychological issues and I understand MIL probably forgot that it’s a secret.

I’m working toward adopting with it. I’m glad the party went great and everyone enjoyed it. But I was also looking forward to see her reaction. That’s why I’m temporarily upset and I need the night to fix myself.

This made my wife extremely upset. She’s upset that just like old times there’s always something wrong in her birthday and I could have hold off reacting and bringing up the subject. She also spoke about this so loud that MIL heard it all. Wife is upset that her birthday is ruined. I don’t blame MIL and I’m feeling like an AH for admitting to her about my feelings.

Maybe I should have waited. Am I the a**hole here?”