It’s hard to believe people like this exist. But they do.

Cringiest text you’ve ever read in 3, 2, 1…

Photo Credit: Twitter, @amynelmes

Where to begin with this one? Let’s just take them one by one…

1. You refuse to update your relationship on Facebook.

Quite valid. Excellent grounds for questioning a partner’s commitment. Crazy quotient: 0/10.

2. You won’t include me in things like the wedding this weekend. I should have been the one to escort you

Somewhat concerning, yes. Even at seven weeks, though, it’s perfectly reasonable to think it a little early to intro a boyfriend to her entire family. Bringing a boyfriend to a wedding is a huge, horrible gesture of commitment. Not only should it not be expected at under two months of dating, it should be discouraged. Those wedding pics will last forever, and no one wants to hear, “Oh yeah, I remember that douchebag. Man your taste in men sucks,” every time someone breaks out the wedding album. Crazy quotient: 4/10.

3. You are rude to my cat and that makes me feel uncomfortable.

Whoa. Come again?

3. You are rude to my cat and that makes me feel uncomfortable.

Thought that’s what you said. Okay, rude how, exactly? Did she talk down to it? Does she refuse to acknowledge your cat when it walks into the bathroom while she’s on the toilet? Is she a cat underminer? “Oh I would never be interested in anything as boring as playing with a fuzzy ball, but it’s so great that you can be entertained by such simple things.” Crazy quotient: 8/10, but the only reason it’s not 10/10 is because I was once told I was mean to a girlfriend’s cat simply because I called it “Fat Shits.”

4. You do not share your time equally and by now your boyfriend should be priority.

Yikes. After seven weeks he wants to be “priority?” Yikes. Crazy Quotient:

5. Your swearing is unladylike.

Jesus, dude. Crazy quotient: Not crazy, just an asshole.

6. You won’t disclose how many sexual partners you have had which makes me think it is upwards of 3 and anything more than that is unacceptable.

This is understandable when you consider he’s most likely still trying to get upwards of zero. Crazy quotient: Not crazy. He’s simply a time-traveler who just arrived from the 17th century, still pungent with the smoke from a witch burning.