This is just my two cents, but I think an open relationship sounds like a TERRIBLE idea.
But what do I know…?
I guess it must work for some folks, or else we wouldn’t hear about them all the time…
Let’s hear what folks on AskReddit really think about this.
1. No way.
“I’ve been with my wife 10 years and that alone has been a wild f**king journey.
I couldn’t imagine adding in another person to the mix, no thanks.”
2. Sounds ugly.
“Tried it for a year. Didn’t work.
It’s perpetual dating, which is the worst.
Then they get jealous.”
“Tried it, she f**ked some dudes and when I picked up started getting jealous. Most open couples aren’t really open.
Usually someone wants it (or just wants to cheat without guilt) and someone’s getting dragged into, pretending it’s okay.
Very few true open relationships, it’s proven by how many last more than a year.”
4. Bad experiences.
“I personally h**e them because of an ex.
I was pressured to make our relationship open for months, and I really didn’t want to. That wasn’t the kind of relationship I wanted to have. I later then found out that she was pushing so hard because she was already sleeping with other guys and wanted a “guilt free” way to cheat on me, and ended up sleeping with three other people that I am aware of.
Generally I don’t mind them if that’s what you want and all parties are okay with that situation. I have a friend who does that and he’s never been happier in terms of a relationship with someone. But I will refuse to ever do an open relationship with anyone.”
5. Just an excuse.
“It’s an excuse to cheat.
When my ex told me about his first affair, he didn’t say it was an affair, he said he was polyamouras, and was tired of hiding his secondary partner and wanted to tell me about her. We’d been married 8 years at the time. I had married him believing him to be monogamous. He didn’t understand that you don’t get to just change the terms of your relationship without the other parties consent.
He had unilaterally decided since he had “discovered” he was poly, it was okay to go explore other relationships without ever telling me. Not okay. In theory , I’m not opposed to open relationships if that’s what both parties agreed to and signed up for, but for me?
Naw. Sitting there that night, listening to my husband explain why his cheating was honorable and praiseworthy and I should be happy for him? Nope. Never again.”
“I don’t h**e them, however I had a very (at best) questionable experience with one as my now-ex was about to break up with me which came out of nowhere and then he suggested an open relationship, to which I agreed only because I didn’t know better at the time that should’ve just broken up with him then and there.
He ended up getting upset at me because more people gave me attention than he got. I’m also bisexual and he had no issue with me talking to other girls but it would be a fight if I got attention from another guy.
Overall I don’t have an issue with people taking part in it, given as long as it’s with consent and nobody is getting hurt. I just had such a bad experience with it that I don’t know if I’d do it again or not.”
7. It’s complicated.
“The hassle of two (or more) relationships has to be something everyone involved needs to be okay with.
It can be done correctly by couples that really know how to communicate and are strong in conflict resolution. (Usually, this also means starting in an open relationship and not opening up later on).
Unfortunately many couples use “opening up the relationship” as a solution to avoid the need to communicate beter. Those are doomed from the beginning.”
8. All in.
“I think it’s one of those things where both partners have to be 100% on board with what it means.
There can’t be jealousy and you have to be ok with the idea of your partner sleeping with more people than you possibly.
I think most people who consider an open relationship don’t really think about it means so it inevitably fails.”
9. Stressin’ out.
“I’m good friends with a couple who practice what they call Ethical Non-Monogamy.
They have been married for 12 years, have 10 year old twin sons and have been “swinging” for about 3 years. They have both always been kind of the free love types and it seems to work for them. They are very open with me about it, and while I find that culture interesting, I don’t think it’s for my wife and me.
As the guy in that couple jokes, “the increase in s** is additive, the increase in communication is multiplicative.” It seems like a lot of work to go on dates with other people and line up times away from their kids to bang others.
My wife of ten years loves s**, is still very attractive, and good in bed, so if I want some good s**, why look elsewhere when I can just ask for it and get it pretty much whenever I want?
I will say this about my friends and their ENM lifestyle: it has put quite a bit of extra stress on our friend group. That couple has made it clear that they would include a couple of us in their ENM side of life if we are interested.
They are good about not pressuring anyone to do anything they don’t want to do, BUT the simple offer has created some jealous wives who are now sure their husbands are going to “cheat” because of course the girl in that ENM couple is very cute.
My wife and I are both on the table but have declined and it hasn’t seemed to put any stress on us because we are very communicative, but one couple it has strained quite a bit because I think he would, but his wife is a hard no, so it does suck when it draws our friends into it out of our control.”
“One of the absolute most basic things you learn when you start swinging is “Make swingers into friends, not friends into swingers.”
And it’s specifically for this reason – it can permanently disrupt friend groups for minimal (and unlikely) gain. My wife and I have been swinging for nearly a decade and only a handful of vanilla friends even know – and none of them have ever been propositioned nor will they be.
It’s rarely a positive conversation unless they’ve already broached their own curiosity about it.”
11. I’ll pass.
“I love my girlfriend and I’m not going to pretend all other beautiful people do not exist.
However me staying truthful to only being with her is another way to show my love and devotion. It’s also my own validation that I can see myself with her for the rest of my life.
“Do you really love this person enough that you would give up being with any other?”
I am, and therefore don’t think an open relationship is for me.
Not saying that’s the standard, just saying that’s what works for me and what my opinion is about it.”
12. No side action.
“My friend opened his up with his wife; she got action including from his friends and he got no action at all.
Soon one of our friends lived there sometimes, he was jealous, she would sometimes make him sleep on the sofa, and that ended catastrophically in a terrible divorce.
He thought it would end up with him getting side action and he ended up with none instead.”
What are your thoughts about open relationships?
Let us know in the comments.
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