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Folks seem to think that being able to tell when someone is lying is a super skill, or an amazing talent. In truth, I think that most people have an innate radar that goes off when someone isn’t telling the truth, though some folks are more innately trusting than others.
When it came to these lies, though, no radar was necessary – they were obvious enough to see coming a mile away.
1. Can’t even get the lie right.
My classmate was watching videos during online class while she was unmuted and said it was a math video…
We were in Health class
2. Plot twist!
When i was 16 i’d had a crush on one of my coworkers, and he’d liked me back.
I thought things were going good until i asked him if he wanted to go out on our shared day off, he agreed, and then the day of cancelled and told me it was because he needed to take care of his fish.
plot twist here is that i’d told a few of my friends, two of which worked with me and the guy, and i went on and on about how rude it is of him to not even give me a believable lie.
Those friends were all hanging out and went to walmart that day, and ran into my crush….buying food and supplies for his fish. he told them how excited he was about the fish too.
I felt like the biggest a$shole.
3. How exactly does one bruise their neck?
“That’s not a hickey I bruised my neck helping my sister move today”
4. You don’t even need to check!
Yeah I did all my homework in like 5 minutes I promise.
5. This is a creepy thing to say.
My friend said he had a body count of 200+.
He was a slightly fat guy who spends all his free time on video games and hates to leave his apartment.
6. The dog can’t talk, so she’s the perfect fall girl.
My (only child) daughter was less than 2 years old.
There was a scribble of pencil on the wall, like 18 inches off the ground.
I said “Who did this?”, seizing the opportunity to act out a classic mom line for the first time.
She pointed to her ‘sister’, my beagle, and declared “No, Lily. Bad!” shook her tiny finger at the dog and toddled off. Hysterical!!
7. A bit of radiation did the trick.
Does it count if the person believed me because I told someone the world was in black and white until the first nuclear explosions.
8. They literally think we were just born yesterday.
The ability of kids to tell obvious lies is amazing.
My favorite is the denying the ongoing action: “I’m not wiping my hands on my pants!” as the hands are being wiped on the pants.
9. Ouch. Some parents, man.
“we love you both equally”
10. Whatever you’ll believe, that’s what happened.
“The cat scratched me.”
“You literally don’t own a cat though.”
“My fork fell onto my arms then. Idk.”
11. No, YOU’RE crying.
“It will all be over by Easter”
12. It was a ghost, Jesus, or a liar.
I met someone who told me that he drank too much with his friends, had an alcohol overdose, and died.
After he “died” his friends threw him under a bed where he rotted for 3 days before coming back to life and if I didn’t believe him I could ask his friends.
I haven’t seen him since
13. I am cringing so hard.
I had a boyfriend in high school who would do weird stuff like that for attention. I remember one time a friend’s parents were driving us home after a music festival, we were sitting in the back seat.
He leaned in and whispered in my ear “help me…” and promptly dropped his head back pretending to pass out. I pretended I didn’t hear. After about ten seconds he realized and tried again just barely louder and dropped his head back again.
A couple of minutes after we reached our destination, and he was suddenly in tip top shape. He hopped out of the car and acted as though he did not just try to put on some wild “he must be saved!” act because he thought I didn’t hear him.
We broke up shortly after.
14. He couldn’t let that go.
Reminds of of when I did custom framing for a retail store and a woman came in with a painted piece she wanted reframed. She went on how it was very very valuable and how I better be careful. Her great-grandmother painted it, you know. It’s the last painting she has by her.
I’m 90% sure she was planning on complaining no matter how carefully we reframed it so that she could say we damage her priceless artwork and get the frame for free.
When I peeled back the backing paper to take it out of the frame there was still a faded “CLEARANCE: $14.99” tag on the back lmao. Woman looked like she bit into a lemon.
15. Just keep asking questions.
I had a friend in college who was a serial lair. Just all kinds of crazy things, that must’ve satisfied some psychological need, all of it harmless.
He told me he developed a theory on how to bend light passing through air and pitched the idea to the physics department, which set up and experiment and proved his theory to be true. He was a general studies major.
I kept pressing him “Well which professor was it? How did the experiment work?” Etc. Just kept digging deeper and changing the subject.
16. A tough pill to swallow.
Loyalty to a company would be repaid.
When I was a teenager I worked at a grocery store, which went under and was in the process of being bought by a new one. We were told during this process that our loyalty would be rewarded and would all get to keep our jobs and whatnot.
I hated that job anyway and ditched it for a different one, but it turns out that after about a week or so they just fired everyone and sold it to a bigger grocery chain.
17. She needed to write a book.
An ex-housemate was the most chronic liar I’ve ever met! She was also a total nutjob who stole from all the housemates and from her workplace, and keyed my car, but here are some of her most memorable lies:
her dad was the ex-CEO of the Commonwealth Bank of Australia
she was having an affair with one of the shift managers at the bar we worked at (he was engaged to someone else)
the venue manager tried to sexually assault her, security from our work knew about it but kept it quiet at her request
she pointed at a wedding ad on a bus (couldn’t see the model’s face) and said the model was her
there was a car accident in the area that killed several teenagers, she claimed that she was with them that night but got out of the car just before the accident
that she could do a bond clean by herself (the clean to get your rental deposit back).. Yeah we had to go back and do it, she didn’t do anything
that her dad was verbally abusive (her sisters said he never was)
she had her license to be a shift manager (was a legal QLD requirement at the time in liquor venues), but she didn’t want to tell our workplace cause they would promote her and she didn’t want that responsibility
18. Not even close.
My ex told me he was in a car accident, totaled his car, broke a few ribs.
He blamed the accident on me, since he was “distracted” after the break up.
He sent me a photo of his car smashed in, i google searched it. First pic of his make/model that was wrecked. He formulated the story after the picture.
But here’s the deal, the wheels didn’t match. So i drove by his house that evening, car was fixed and in his driveway. “Oh yes, i paid the shop extra to get me in today. So i could have my car to come see you if you wanted me to…..”
HAHAHA bro.
19. This entire story is amazing.
Ha! I had an ex roommate once tell me the tragic story of how there was a gas leak in her extended family’s old bunker and when the younger kids flipped the light switch it blew up and killed them all.
I said “wow! That’s crazy! I didn’t know we were related”
She said “what do you mean?”
Coincidentally, she didn’t know that it was actually my family’s bunker and my family members that fucking died I had just never talked about it for obvious reasons.
She was also a pathological liar.
20. That’s called karma, friend.
An ex of mine picked up gig work out of state. He tried to tell me that a gang of guys attacked him with crowbars and 2×4’s two nights before. Said he had broken his nose, shattered the bones around his eye, broken ribs, etc.. I called his bluff, he sent me pictures of him wearing a neck brace and ace bandage around his chest.
I commented, “Your face looks fine. You don’t have a bruise on you. Putting on a bandage and brace you bought at Walgreens isn’t gonna sell it”. He snaps back, “I don’t bruise naturally and plastic surgeons fixed my face!”
He sang a different tune later when he fell down a flight of stairs and actually injured himself. I didn’t give him sympathy then either.
21. Sometimes you gotta admire the dedication.
My co-worker once tried to convince me that centaurs exist. She said they lived in a gated community in Hollywood and did all the horse stunts for movies.
Did we both know it was a lie? Yes.
Did she ever admit it was? No and I admire that about her
22. The first or the tenth time, it hurts.
“We will keep your resume on hand, and let you know if any other positions open up.”
As a recent graduate job searching, it hurts.
23. We’ve all heard these.
“Your call is important to us.”
“Listen carefully as our options have recently changed “
24. Child nudist solidarity.
My son takes every opportunity to get naked. It’s a struggle to get him to even wear underpants half the time.
We found him sat around naked one time and asked him where his pants had gone.
Bees. Bees came in through the window and stole his pants.
25. Toddlers are the cutest liars.
I’ve had toddlers with faces/hands/clothes covered in peanut butter swear up and down that their brother/sister was the one who ate the peanut butter.
26. Hello, attention hog.
Used to play D&D with a pathological liar. (Side note, he had the most INCREDIBLE luck with natural 20 rolls.)
Another thing about this guy is he always tried to act like a macho tough guy too who had been in serious scrapes and such. So one time, unprompted, he said under his breath, but obviously wanting us to hear, “I’ve got to get this shrapnel out of me.”
We were just like, “sure man, whatever you need to do.”
I think anyone could have spotted these, and they made me chuckle.
Has anyone ever tried something like this on you? If so, tell us the story down in the comments!
