We’re talking about the best of the best today, people…

Jokes that AskReddit users insist are the best jokes in their arsenals.

Are you ready to see how funny they are?

Check out what they had to say!


“As Mickey and Minnie were before the judge in divorce court, the judge looked at Mickey and said, “Listen here, Mr. Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie.”

“But why not, Your Honor?” a stunned Mickey asked. “I have reviewed all the information you submitted to the court and I can find no evidence to support the allegation that she’s crazy,” explained the judge.

“Your Honor,” Mickey exclaimed, “I didn’t say she was ‘crazy’, I said she was fu**ing Goofy.””


“I took the shell off my racing snail to make it go faster.

If anything, it just made it more sluggish.”


“I bought shoes from a drug dealer.

I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.”


“A priest, a minister, and a rabbit all walk into a bar.

The priest and minister look at the rabbit, and he says “I don’t know. Fu**ing auto correct.””

Go get it.

“What do you call a dog with no legs?

You don’t call it, you go get it.”

A real zinger!

“How many gorillas does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one…but it takes a s**tload of light bulbs.”

Bad move.

“My pe**s used to be in the Guinness Book of World Records, but then the librarian asked me to take it out and leave the building.”

Very clever.

“Three men were in a boat and had four ci**rettes, but no lighter, so they threw one ci**rette overboard, and the whole boat became a ci**rette lighter.”


“Three men had a very late night drinking Guinness.

They left in the early morning hours and each went to their home. The next day, they all met for an early pint, and compared notes about who was d**nker the night before.

The first guy claims that he was the dr**kest, saying, “I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks.”

The second guy said, “You think that was dr**k? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped it around the first tree I saw. And I don’t even have insurance!”

The third guy proclaimed, “I was the dr**kest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my wife, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!”

The room was silent for a moment.

Then, the first guy spoke out again, “Listen, guys, I don’t think you understand…Chunks is my dog.””


“Picked up a hitchhiker and they were so grateful. He said, “Thanks man, most people never pick me up… they’re always worried that I might be a serial ki**er.”

I told him I wasn’t worried about that, because the odds of two serial ki**ers in the same car are astronomical.”

Okay, okay.

“Why did the bird go to the gym?

To work on his pecks.”

I get it!

“I love telling jokes about the Titanic, they always go down well.

A great way to break the ice.

But not too often though as I have found my friends get that sinking feeling when I am about to tell one.”

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Tell us your best joke in the comments.

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