Ouch…this sounds like a rough one.
But sometimes things get REAL on the “Am I the A**hole?” page on Reddit.
And we got a doozy for you today.
Read on to see what happened and if you think this woman acted like a jerk.
AITA for telling my infertile sister that she isn’t in a position to be a mother?
“(25F) My sister (28F) “Mary” and her husband (30M) “Jack” started trying for a baby three years ago.
They met with an obstetrician a year ago who unfortunately informed them that Mary is infertile and her body would never be able to produce or carry a child. This was devastating news for Mary, as she has wanted to be a mother since we were children.
Luckily, this has not hurt Mary and Jack’s relationship. They began looking into other options such as surrogacy and adoption. A big obstacle is their finances, though. Mary was able to go to college (our parents helped) and attended but later decided college wasn’t for her and left. Jack didn’t have that option and works at a grocery store. Mary is also employed at Wendy’s at the moment but lost several jobs in the past.
Because their annual income is under $40,000 and their housing also isn’t stable at the moment, they have been denied by adoption agencies and are cannot afford surrogacy. Mary and Jack recently invited me to their home and asked if I would be willing to be a surrogate. They were unable to offer financial aid for even prenatal care and hoped I’d do it as a favor.
I should explain that I am only about 100 lbs. When my mother was pregnant, she had hard pregnancies and needed C-sections both times. Her pregnancy with me was especially high risk. Doctors did not expect me nor my mother to make it. Luckily we were okay but I am scared to experience pregnancy at all and especially the risks as I am even smaller/frailer than my mother was.
I apologized but told them I wasn’t willing to be a surrogate. Jack was clearly disappointed but told me he understood. Mary became very angry. She started to scream at me saying that I was only declining because I was jealous and was rubbing it in her face that they didn’t make enough money for a professional surrogate.
This came out of nowhere to me. She then demanded that I “be a good sister” and help fund a professional surrogate. (My annual income is higher than Jack and Mary’s but I cannot afford a surrogate either.)
I tried getting Mary to calm down, which she did but still kept saying I was only refusing out of jealousy/cruelty towards her. I, as kindly yet firmly as possible, told her, “Mary, I’m sorry you are unable to carry your child and it is not fair. You are allowed to be upset but it doesn’t mean you can act this way towards me. The fact is that you and Jack need to wait until you are in a financially stable state to have children. You two are not in a position to be parents right now.” Emphasis on right now. Mary told me to leave and I obeyed.
Family members are (for the most part) not calling me an AH for denying surrogacy, but for telling Mary she isn’t in a position to have a child. They said I was digging the knife deeper than it already was. But I never even implied Mary would be a bad parent. Or Jack. I said that they weren’t ready NOW and needed to wait until they were financially in a good place.
Am I just insensitive?”
Check out what Reddit users had to say about this.
One reader said this woman is NTA and this seems like quite a big favor to ask.
Another Reddit user agreed and said that this was very selfish of Mary.
And this individual also said she’s NTA and that her sister should probably try to get some therapy.
What do you think?
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