Have you ever thought about what you’d do if your dog could talk?

I’m willing to bet that you have…because I definitely have!

And now we’re going to have a little fun, friends.

How would you respond if your dog suddenly learned how to talk…and knew all your deep, dark secrets?

Here’s how folks on AskReddit responded.

1. Sure about that?

“My dog is unquestionably loyal.

I’m not worried.”

2. Let’s talk this out.

“I would really love to hear what my nervous doggo has to say about why he’s so nervous. Like please, why is the kitchen floor in particular so scary?

Why is that random shadow making you wary? See that potted plant outside? It’s the exact same one it used to be except I moved it over a little bit.”

3. Uh oh.

“I will literally give you an entire bag of treats if you don’t tell anyone how much I mast*rbate.”

4. Sad.

“Ask her what she wants to do before the cancer takes her.

Ask her what her favorite treats are. What human food she wants. Ask her if she’s in pain…

Ask her to tell me when it’s time.”

5. So many questions…

“I’d have a lot of questions.

“Why do you want cuddles when we’re both in bed, but not if it’s just one of us?” “I’ve allowed you to explore the basement. Several times. What do you hope to find that merits such crying by the basement door?”

“You’ve been so great I can’t believe you were returned to the shelter by your previous humans. What happened?””

6. Explain it to me.

“I’d ask him why he’s so obsessed with being in my room all the time.

I try to keep the door shut but he just sits and waits for me to let him in only to come back out when he realizes I’m not going in with him.

Also I’d ask him if knows how much I love him and how he’s pretty much the best thing thing in my life. Also just general health questions. He’s had special medical needs since he was  little.

Making sure he’s indeed feeling well, not just my thinking based on observations, would be an amazing relief.”

7. Therapy.

“Have deep intellectual conversations with him every night.

He would understand all my quirks and what makes me tick.

The perfect in-home therapist.”

8. Best day ever.

“Honestly, it would be the best day of my life. My dog is the absolute f*cking best. No matter how low I am, he’s ready for a cuddle and a game of tug-of-war, to make me laugh unexpectedly, or to look at me with his big brown eyes and get to take him on a walk and shake off the fog.

I’d love to hear what he has to say. I’d love the chance to know what he really wants and be and to give it to him, and to watch him use another tool to be the absolute greatest, goodest boy.”

9. The backstory.

“Honestly, I’d just want to know what happened to her before I got her from a rescue.

And what made her so scared…”

10. There you go.

“Monetize the f*ck out of a talking dog.”

11. Good point.

“I’d just be happy he could finally tell me what he’s barking at.”

12. Hey there…

“Hey Taffy, if you don’t tell the other humans about my deepest darkest secrets, I’ll get you some Costco prime steaks every week and new tennis balls, plus we can go on more walks!

How’s that sound?

Just keep quiet about the drugs, guns, and unconscious bodies hidden deep in the basement, and the rewards are yours!”

How about you?

What do you think you’d do if your dog suddenly learned how to talk?

Share your thoughts with us in the comments, please!