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There are plenty of books out there about marriage – too many, one could argue – but even with that ridiculous library there are certain aspects of the experience that just don’t get explored.
But you know where else you can go to find out the minute details of every single person’s life? Twitter. And Twitter has plenty to tell you about the real nitty-gritty of marriage. Lucky for us, it’s often really funny as well.
Read on to experience the matrimonial bliss.
10. Obvious favoritism
My love for you is limitless, I mean, yanno, within certain limits.
Husband: Can you do me a favor?
Me: I love you and would do anything for you.
Husband: Can you-
Me: No.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) April 22, 2021
9. Ride on, rough rider
I mean, she got the jist of it for all in tents and purposes.
https://twitter.com/jess_salomon/status/1388682286527389699
8. The circle of life
Oh no, they’ve entered the endless loop! Surely there’s no hope for them now!
my wife asked me “what sounds good for dinner?” so I said “I dunno, what sounds good to u?” and she responded “I’m up for whatever” and now it’s been a week and we’re slowly dying of hunger
— Grant Tanaka: Honky (@GrantTanaka) April 22, 2021
7. Out of control
This is the kind of cruel and unusual punishment outlawed by the Geneva Convention.
My wife set parental controls on Netflix because I watched a show without her.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) April 22, 2021
6. You put the lime in the coconut
Are you gonna drink tequila when you get home or do you have, like, scurvy?
I texted my wife asking how her day was and she wrote back DO WE HAVE LIMES so I guess there's your answer
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 30, 2021
5. Have your cake and eat it too
Imagine a car with only one person driving it. Crazy, right?
me: if i have two pieces of cake will you judge me
husband: if you don’t eat it the cake will go bad
me: 😍…i vow to never backseat drive again
h: really?
no: omfg no jk i love you tho
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 23, 2021
4. The pergola
Really tough to keep up with the Joneses these days.
Thought things were going pretty well for my marriage and family but apparently everyone has a pergola but us.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 22, 2021
3. Finders keepers
One could say he’s really quite a find.
https://twitter.com/Mamaoutoforder/status/1385405540608536578
2. Lift me up
What were they all on strike?
I had to wake my husband up at 4:30 this morning to give me a ride to the airport after I couldn’t find a Lyft and I don’t know if I’m going to have a marriage to come home to now.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) April 29, 2021
1. No girls allowed
I’d like to hear more about these ideas.
My wife won't let me watch Treehouse Masters anymore because "I'm getting ideas" for the big cypress tree on our lot
Who doesn't want a treehouse? *Eye Roll* 🤣🤣
— TitsforTat 🏳️🌈 (@magicalchaos14) April 27, 2021
And THAT’S what marriage is truly all about.
What’s your best piece of relationship advice?
Share it with us in the comments.
