I grew up in a house with two sisters and my memory of the early years is a little hazy but I’m fairly sure we were all absolute terrors.
At the time it was easy to look at my parents as killjoys who wanted nothing in this world but to engender my perpetual disappointment, but in retrospect, I think we’re lucky they didn’t sell us to a passing circus or something. Because kids can be…a lot.
To illustrate what I’m talking about, here are ten tweets from parents who know the struggle all too well.
10. Once upon a time…
And they never heard from her again.
Parenting hack: Tell much lamer bedtime stories than your spouse so that your children will ask for them instead of you every night.
— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) June 30, 2020
9. Tips and tricks
“Clean enough” might as well be the name of my autobiography.
I’m stirring my coffee with a potato peeler and just told my son his shirt is “clean enough” so be sure to follow me for more housekeeping tips.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) September 12, 2020
8. Beat the spread
For instance, my patience.
95% of parenting is literally just spreading things on bread
— SpacedMom (@copymama) October 5, 2020
7. Get this bread
He wants to be a part of the upper crust.
8: Can I change my name?
8: Why not? I’m changing it.
Me: Oh really? To what?
8: Cheese bread
Me: I’ll allow it
— let me momsplain (@letmemomsplain) July 21, 2020
6. Clean up your language
How about YOU do that.
Preschool teacher: ok let’s put the toys away
My toddler: ok
Me: ok let’s put the toys away
My toddler: get fucked
— The Dad (@thedad) September 12, 2019
5. A simple request
Oh well, guess we’ll try again tomorrow.
I'm just a dad, standing in front of a boy, asking him to go to bed for the seventeenth time.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) October 26, 2016
4. For the record
Plague be damned, no one can endure this sort of torment.
Me: E-learning doesn't seem that bad.
4th-grade music teacher on zoom: Okay, kids, now pick up your recorder.
— OutnumberedMother (@OutNumbMother) September 11, 2020
3. Killing time
Life before the internet was somehow weirder than life before the internet.
My kids in 2020: “We’re bored.”
My brother and I in 1984: “Here. I’ll crawl on my hands and knees like a cat and you try to hit me with a rolled up magazine.”
— TheMotherBOOctopus (@MotherOctopusKJ) September 18, 2020
2. Coffee break
Come on in, pull up a shirt.
My husband walked into our closet to find me drinking a large coffee and eating a donut in the dark. He says, “do the kids know you’re in here?” To which I replied, “ Welcome to the teachers lounge”!!!
— Phillygirl (@24tog) September 17, 2020
1. Making the rounds
When God opens a window, he also loses a lid.
Ahh so being a parent is mostly walking round the house putting lids on stuff your child has left out and being married is mostly waking round the house closing windows your husband has opened.
— Lucy Beaumont (@LucyABeaumont) November 9, 2020
To the parents out there dealing with the joys and pains of raising a kid, I salute you. From my bed. Where I can nap. Because I don’t have kids. Good luck!
Do you have kids? What’s the experience been like?
Tell us in the comments.