I never like to guarantee anything in this life, but I will say that I’m 99.999% confident that the tweets you’re about to see are going to make you laugh.
And they’re not only gonna make you laugh, they’re gonna make you LOL.
That means “laugh out loud”, by the way…
Well, what are you waiting for?
Get started now!
1. This is FOR REAL.
Keep this in mind…
if you compliment a dude’s shirt, you better mean it, because that’s the only shirt he’ll wear out for the next five years.
— Mac McCann (@MacMcCannTX) April 13, 2020
2. That didn’t go as planned.
They didn’t see that coming!
Aliens invade: “EARTHLINGS, WE HAVE KILLED YOUR LEADERS, DESTROYED YOUR ECONOMY, AND ARE HERE TO TAKE OVER YOUR GOVERNMENT”
Humans: “oh thank fucking god”
Aliens: “wait what?”
— Alicia 🔞 Demon Goddess of Lust (@Flailmorpho_) October 9, 2020
3. He knows what’s up.
No need to beat around the bush.
My homegirl called a man last night after the function and said “I’m coming to get you, be outside your place in 15 min”
He was standing outside with his spend the night bag when she got there.
I’ve been cackling but yet inspired all day.
— Laci Jordan (@SoLaciLike) March 5, 2022
4. Breakin’ it down.
Yours and only yours.
im sorry i’ve always been a “pay for what your ordered” person over splitting the bill😭 what i look like paying more than what i ate
— melv. (@manizegos) March 7, 2022
5. You’ve made it!
An NYC rite of passage.
For the first time in my nyc career, a rat tried to climb up my leg. I appreciate thoughts, prayers and privacy during this time of self evaluation and grief. Thank you.
— skenny (@Polokenny) March 11, 2022
6. Don’t call me honey.
Overheard at the deli counter:
Customer: can I get a pound of turkey?
Employee: which one you want, oven roasted? honey?
Customer: please don’t call me honey.
Employee: HONEY TURKEY, BRUH
— MannieFresh Destiny (@HolaCarmitooo) March 6, 2022
7. You’re doing great!
I’m trying really hard to need less external validation. How am I doing so far?
— Allie Goertz (@AllieGoertz) March 17, 2022
8. You’re suddenly rich!
That’s how it works, right?
took my own lunch to work and didn’t buy a coffee today so i should be able to afford to buy a house any day now
— andy (@heyitsandy_) April 6, 2022
9. This is good.
I do the same thing!
I try my best to avoid festivities for my birthday and I’ve done a pretty good job of it for several years now
My birthday is for me. It ain’t for nobody else.
— Stephen Storey (@StephenStorey) March 5, 2022
10. That looks nice!
One day I hope to be wealthy enough to not do a double take every time I see abandoned furniture on the side of the road.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 31, 2017
Now we want to hear from you!
Share some funny tweets with us in the comments.
Please and thank you!