It’s hard for me to imagine being a parent. Not so much because of all the responsibilities and the worries and the cost, but more just because I don’t know what to make of the idea of there being little me’s running around in the world. I strongly suspect that one is more than enough.
But whether I ever get to find out otherwise or not, I’ll always have the internet to give me little glimpses into what parenting is truly all about.
In particular today, we’re gonna be examining some tweets.
10. A horse of a different color
Boss, you’re gonna have to give us more notice than this, you’re screwing up our fourth quarter earnings.
My 5YO changed her favorite color to teal, now our four year investment in pink is worth zilch
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) December 10, 2020
9. Select your player
*Luigi death stare intensifies*
[playing Mario Kart]
8-year-old: Push that button to go.
Me: I know. I've been playing this since before you were born.
8: Did you play by candlelight?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 1, 2021
8. A big stink
Message received loud and clear, thank you so much.
A lot of communication between a toddler and a mother is nonverbal. For example, today my 1-year-old walked up to me and handed me deodorant.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 12, 2021
7. Happy birthday to you!
We’re maybe not so great at counting yet.
It’s a special kind of pain when your kids pick out your birthday candles and you find out they think you’re 73
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) January 12, 2021
6. I’m not tired, you’re tired
It’s the “calm down” of children.
If you want to piss off a toddler just tell him he’s tired.
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) December 1, 2020
5. Just hanging out
Dude, I thought you were chill.
The problem with children is that they are never as hung over as you are.
— Matty (@bestestname) November 29, 2020
4. Do the math
Are you living in a family of centipedes?
There are 5 of us in this house and 738 shoes by the front door this does not check out
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) November 29, 2020
3. Be humble
We’ll see who’s all high and mighty when he poops his pants mid conversation.
My 5-year-old is awfully condescending for somebody who still needs to be reminded to go to the bathroom.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) January 5, 2021
2. The paradox
How are kids even alive?
MY KID: can i have a snack?
ME: no, it’s lunch time
KID: but i’m not hungry
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 31, 2020
1. Baby shark
This is incredible and would be my go-to all the time.
My four year old, when asked by a friend at day care why she has two mums and no dad, told her that her dad was eaten by a shark.
— Kate (@BakeKater) November 18, 2020
Man, it really does sound wonderful…ly stressful. I think I’ll pass for now.
But what am I missing? What’s being a parent really like?
Give me the true rundown in the comments, please. Gotta stay informed.