Marriage, relationships, and dating come with a little give and take.
Although, the realness that comes with the act of coupling doesn’t usually take away from our individuality–which can lead to some friction.
But what’s a take without a little give, right?
1. That’s hot.
Like in a temperature sense.
Yes I **cheat on my husband.
**turn the thermostat up when he's gone then change it back before he gets home.
— Possum Kingdom (@aissalanis) February 4, 2021
2. Now is the winter of our discontent.
Made glorious moring by this coffee of Keurig.
https://twitter.com/VisionBored1/status/1356584725301854215
3. But for real…
…they do hurt.
My wife still brings up the one time in 2015 I howled in pain from a paper cut, while she was in labor
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) February 5, 2021
4. You do not wear the top hat as I do.
It is a part of me.
Me staring out the window drinking scotch: I can't talk to you right now
Wife holding monopoly piece: jesus fine you can be the top hat
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) December 31, 2020
5. You think towels are bad?
A fitted sheet can end all things.
Get married so you can argue about the correct way to fold towels.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) January 21, 2021
6. Phfff, there’s no excuse for you.
Wait wait, for real, I was kidding. I WAS KIDDING! PLEASE DON’T LEAVE!
My wife has the ability to make the words "excuse me?" sound completely terrifying.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) January 22, 2021
7. Oof.
Back’s gonna’ hurt.
my husband and I have this routine where we both avoid picking up some random piece of trash for days on end, silently daring the other to do it, until I realize I’m the only one who even sees it and I pick it up like I do every other thing in our lives
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) January 17, 2021
8. Look harder, obviously…
While I move things around a centimeter or two on this same cluttered shelf for ten minutes then complain about not being able to ever find anything.
Whenever my wife has lost something and then finds it, I like to say things like "it's always in the last place you look". This helps a lot.
— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) January 12, 2021
9. I wanna hold your hand.
But mostly I want you to turn off this light.
I’ve started taking my husband’s hand and guiding it to the stove or light switches and using it to turn them off so he’ll hopefully develop the muscle memory and so far this is not being very well received.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) January 16, 2021
10. But I’d not feel cheated.
If his love for Tom Bardy was over-inflated.
I wish my husband talked about me the way he talks about Tom Brady.
— Sara Buckley (@nottheworstmom) January 24, 2021
11. What’s funny, Jessie!? What!?
Is it humorous that I know I’m supposed to put the forks and spoons together in the same tray!? That the plates should always face inward.
Well, I didn’t do it this time, Jessie. I just didn’t do it.
If you can hear your wife load the dishwasher from the other room, chances are your next conversation will begin with “I think it’s funny that”.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 17, 2021
12. That depends.
On how much you love me.
Marriage is just asking, “Is it safe to go in?” after one spouse spent a long time in the bathroom.
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) February 4, 2021
Like I said, coupling–just a little bit of that give and take. I hope you took away a laugh here.
If you have any funny stories about your other half comment below, or maybe you just need to vent about the toilet paper not being replaced in the “over” position because you live with a heathen–either way, we got your back.
Let us know and we’ll laugh through it together.
