I don’t care who you are, when money gets involved in any situation, things can go off the rails in a hurry.
And this story is a doozy.
A woman shared her story on the “Am I the *sshole” forum on Reddit to ask the readers there if she was wrong for getting mad at her husband for going behind her back to give a family member A LOT of money.
Here’s how it all went down…
AITA For being mad at my husband who was going to give away $10,000 to his sister without even asking me about it?
“On Saturday morning, I noticed my husband was sending a lot of text messages back and forth. He is usually not much of a texter. He left the phone next to me to charge while he as in the other room.
The phone kept lighting up with text messages when I decided to open it up to see what the big discussion was about.
I know some couples view it as big breach of trust to read through a significant other’s phone, but my husband and I do it regularly so this was not a huge invasion of privacy on my end. We both have nothing to hide and it has never been an issue before.
Anyway, of course I saw something on the phone that I shouldn’t have that got me upset. For background, my husband is 34, I am 32, and his sister is 31 (she’s in this story). Husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for the last four years.
We are all college educated with jobs now. My husband and I each make good salaries around $150k each. We own our house. I still have about $60,000 in student loans I am working to pay off (luckily low interest rates so I just pay the minimum).
We have about $40k liquid in savings. So we are doing good financially but still need to build up more savings as we will probably try to start a family in the next 1-2 years and want to be prepared for an emergency and have a rainy day fund. Anyway, my husband’s sister is trying to buy a 1 bedroom apartment in NYC.
I saw in the text messages that my husband offered to give her $10,000 for her down payment. The money is our savings is OUR money. Our bank accounts are 100% combined. My husband manages 99% of the finances because I prefer not to deal with it. However, it is understood we consult each other regularly on major purchases.
He did not ask me if I was OK with him giving this money to his sister. She didn’t ask, he offered. I immediately confronted him (calmly) and was like, “Hey – Did you tell your sister you would give her $10,000?” He said yes. I asked him when he was going to tell me.
He said, he probably wasn’t. He figured I wouldn’t notice and said he didn’t think I would care about “the details”. I said, “Um, do you think $10,000 is a detail?” He said, “No, that is lot of money. I should have told you about it. Are you OK with it?” I said, “No, I don’t think I am.”
Anyway we decided in that moment not to give the money. He said he would tell his sister and she would understand. He wanted the issue to go away after that.
But I am still mad. I said this was a big breach of trust. I let him control all finances because I trust him to never, ever take advantage of my ignorance. Shouldn’t you be able to trust your husband?
So now, I don’t have that full amount of trust I had before and I want to open my own bank account (which frankly, I should have anyway). But AITA for being totally upset and feeling betrayed about this?
I grew up poor and $10,000 is a ton of money to me (I mean, to most people right?!). I am horrified he would consider gifting it away and not even telling me.
Wow…let’s see what folks on Reddit said about this.
This person didn’t think the woman was wrong at all for being angry at her husband.
Another person made a good point: what else has her husband done with their money…?
Another reader called the husband’s actions “a lie by omission”, and I think they’re right about that.
This Reddit user called it “financial infidelity.” I’ve never heard that one before…
And finally, this reader said that $10,000 is a huge chunk of money and that the woman and her husband might want to think about getting separate accounts after this incident because there are clearly some trust issues here…
Now we want to get your take on the situation.
Do you think this woman was justified in her anger or did she overreact?
Tell us what you think in the comments.