I got news for all you young whippersnappers out there…
You’re not gonna be young forever! And yes, a majority of you ARE going to turn into your parents, at least on some level.
And it all starts with a phrase here and there that catches you off guard…
Millennials…it’s time to come clean: what’s the most middle-aged thing you’ve said recently?
AskReddit users spoke up.
“I have more than one measuring tape.
One for upstairs and one for downstairs and I complain when my family doesn’t put them back where they belong.”
2. Nah, I’m just tired.
“My housemate: you want a drink?
Me: Nah, man. I haven’t had a drink in… six months maybe? More?
My housemate: You stopped drinking?
Me: I’m not SOBER or anything, it’s just that alcohol makes me sleepy.”
3. This is a good one!
“Had a riveting conversation with some friends about the best office chairs for lumbar support.”
4. That’s the stuff!
“My knees hurt, my elbow hurts, I get up at 4 am to go to a job that doesn’t pay me enough, I got bills that cost too high, I got a mortgage to pay off.
But on pretzel day?
I like pretzel day.”
5. Don’t let it go to waste.
“You want to go out for dinner?
Oh no, I can’t; I have chicken in the fridge that I have to cook before it goes bad.”
6. Who are they?
“Scrolling through my Spotify and constantly asking, who the hell are these people?”
7. Can’t do it.
“”Oh no thank, you. I can’t have caffeine this late in the day or I’ll never get to sleep tonight.”
My spouse was offering me the last soda from the fridge. It was 1 pm.”
8. Okay, Gramps.
“I like to plan my errands starting with the furthest place away so everything else is on the way home.”
9. Way too late.
““It’s 8:30 pm, a little late to start a movie.”
To make it worse, it was a Saturday night.”
10. What happened to me?
“After recently installing a replacement security camera, I saw in the saved footage some kids repeatedly riding their bikes and/or playing in my driveway, occasionally hitting the shrubs that line the driveway and scattering gravel/compost around.
I found myself ranting to my wife, wanting to know why these kids were constantly in my driveway, and wanting to know why their parents were not doing a better job of watching/teaching/disciplining them.
Then I froze, and realized… I’d become that guy. That old guy.
It has sparked an existential crisis.”
“I was venting to a coworker about these noisy bastards living next to me.
I actually said the words, “god**mn teenagers and their Bluetooth machines”.
I stand by my admonition but man it was my greatest age leap forward since I embraced the sensible Toyota.”
12. Nice work!
“I slapped a crate I had strapped onto the back of my car and said “This isn’t going anywhere”.”
13. Let’s slow it down.
“Not something I said but I just stood out on my porch this morning drinking my coffee and someone drove by pretty fast and I thought “that’s way too fast”.”
14. It’s over now.
“When my wife asked if there was anything she need to pick up at the store, and I responded: “I think we’re out of asparagus.”
Not sure what foul demon possessed me to to say those words.”
Okay, it’s confession time…
What’s the most middle-aged thing you’ve caught yourself saying recently?
Tell us in the comments!