I am blessed to have two wonderful parents who set a great example for me and my siblings, but I also know that a lot of people out there grew up much differently.
I have friends and extended family members who were raised in bad environments and they’ve always made it a point to do things much differently than their folks did.
AskReddit users who now have children of their own talked about what they’ve vowed never to do that their parents did when they were growing up.
Let’s see what they had to say.
1. Won’t repeat that.
“I have two:
Making fun of their interests and hobbies. It’s why I don’t like showing anyone my artwork. But I will do anything to support my kids and encourage them.
If they tell me something in confidence, I’m not using that as a topic of conversation with others. Tell my parents anything and everyone knows. My mom just couldn’t understand why I was getting mad when she was telling any yahoo at Walmart the whole story of events leading up to my divorce.
Both are why my mom wonders why I don’t tell her anything. I don’t want that for my kids.”
“I was spanked. I thought I’d grow up and spank too because I ended up okay and thought that’s how you correct kids.
But then as I got older I thought back to how I’d deal with other kids who made me mad or wouldn’t listen to me.
I hit them. It clicked this wasn’t what I needed to do.”
3. Enough with the talking…
My mom could go on for hours for even small misbehaviors. Somehow, it usually looped around to how I didn’t keep my room clean, even though the rest of the house was just as much of a mess or worse.
When I need to have a stern or serious discussion with my kids, I force myself to make my point in five minutes or less. I’ve even said stuff like, “Look, this is taking way too long, just don’t do [disallowed thing] again, okay?”
I also apologize if I yell, as soon as I am emotionally able to after an angry outburst. I don’t remember Mom ever doing that.”
4. Can’t imagine doing that.
“Use them as leverage against the other parent.
Abuse them, allow them to be abused by a significant other, abandon them then return years later once they’ve grown and try to cause them as much pain as possible for who knows why.
I have four sons and I genuinely can’t imagine doing most of what happened to me to them. Blows my mind.”
5. Sounds awful.
“Get loaded in front of them.
Growing up in a family of drunks has soured me for the most part to drinking even socially. I do partake occasionally but not often…
Deep down I feel alcoholism is in my genetics so I steer clear unless the occasion is perfect”
6. No judgment.
I want my kids to know that I truly love them because of who they are and not feel like they have to hide certain parts of who they are because they are afraid I won’t care about them anymore.”
“Really poor food choices.
My mom (trailer trash, I’m sorry) used to go every day to the 7-Eleven and get me a lunch of powdered donuts, a pop, and some chips, every so often a sandwich in those little plastic triangles, or a chocolate bar. I used to think it was cool but even at 12, I knew something was up.
I remember my teacher one time came up to me and said, “Don’t you ever have anything healthy?”
I laughed it off but I felt like it was a sh*tty thing to do to a kid.”
8. Over the top.
“Have too many pets in the house.
I loved them all but at the highest we had 11 cats and three dogs, and it was just kind of embarrassing .
I never wanted to bring people over to my house.”
9. What’s the point?
“Redo things they’ve done because it’s not the exact way I would have done it.
My mom would re-fold the laundry or remake my bed.
Drove me nuts and made me feel like why even bother trying?”
10. Ugh. Gross.
“Wake them from a dead sleep, on a school night, to introduce them to my drunk friends I just came home with, because I’m a bartender.”
11. Physically distant.
“Not be affectionate.
My mom was very distant and not a physically emotional person with me growing up. I realized that if I have kids I’d want to read to them, hug them, celebrate their accomplishments.
Overall have them feel comfortable with me to share their thoughts or feelings.”
12. Get them involved.
“When I was little, when my dad was doing anything out in the yard my brother and I would ask if we could help.
The answer was always “You can help by staying out of the way.”
My kids are always allowed to help, and so feel they can contribute, grow a sense of self worth, and an appreciation of group effort.”
13. Mistakes are okay.
“I won’t scorn them or yell at them when they mess up.
I was a really sensitive kid, so when my parents told me to “go to hell” or called me a “f*cking moron”, it tore at me, and distorted my self-image.
If I have kids, I can’t imagine ever doing to them what my parents did to me.”
What do you think about this?
What have you sworn not to repeat with your own kids that your parents did with you?
Talk to us in the comments. We’d love to hear from you!