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When I was a kid and we’d be watching a movie as a family on our little TV, my dad always had his hand firmly on the remote. He was watching. He was waiting. He was vigilant.

And whenever someone said a naughty word that we kids weren’t supposed to hear, whenever they might dare to cuss a swear, he would immediately mash the volume down button.

This was maybe the most ineffective method he could have conjured.

First of all, we’d all already heard the word. The volume down was a reaction to the profanity, meaning the damage was done before the mitigation began. Second, we were now just staring on as the scene continued in silence, because now the volume was at zero, and would there remain until some arbitrary time when he deemed it safe to raise it up again.

So in summary, we heard the swears and missed everything else. It was kind of a perfectly useless attempt to prevent awkwardness. But I still get it, because when things get awkward with parent movie time – they can get TRULY awkward.

Prepare to get tense.

14. Black Swan

You can’t just dance away from that.

13. Moonlight

Look, if you simply must know…

12. Stepbrothers

Just because they’re family doesn’t mean it’s a family film.

11. Rocky Horror Picture Show

So you caught a flat.
How ’bout that.

10. Magic Mike

I’m sorry, but you don’t get any sympathy for this one.

9. Mysterious Skin

There’s a bit of grammatical ambiguity in that post you might have wanted to clear up.

8. Friday the 13th

That’s about as bad as it gets.

7. Wolf of Wall Street

Merry Christmas, everyone!

6. Titanic

True story: when my sister and her friends watched that movie at a sleepover her friend’s mom had taped over that scene with Barney.

5. Love Actually

Yeah there’s a lot of that.

4. The 40 Year Old Virgin

Um. Did the title not clue you in?

3. Brokeback Mountain

He wasn’t wrong.

2. American Pie

Do y’all just never look up movies?

1. Boogie Nights

Lol it was so embarrassing they had to get it out of the house.

Sounds like some exciting cinematic experiences.

Have you ever had an awkward movie night with family?

Tell us about it in the comments.