It seems like when you get married, or are even thinking of getting married, people fall all over themselves to try to give you advice about it, even if you didn’t ask.
…maybe especially if you didn’t ask.
And unsurprisingly, a lot of it turns out to be bad.
Folks who've been married: what's the WORST marriage advice you've ever received?
I'll start: "Never go to bed angry." Sometimes that's exactly what you should do. You're both tired & at your worst! Get some sleep. Wake up. Eat together. See if the argument is still so serious.
— Samuel Perry (@socofthesacred) August 1, 2020
A ton of people chimed in after this prompt on Twitter. Let’s see what “words of wisdom” really aren’t.
10. Hard work
Isn’t this supposed to be like, an enjoyable part of my life?
Why should I expect it to be so miserable?
SO many people told my wife and me that the first year of marriage would be the worst, hardest year of our lives and we would even hate each other at times.
We made it through 1.5 years in a tiny, A/C-less Chicago apartment with much gladness and relatively little hardship. ??♂️
— Amar D. Peterman (@amarpeterman) August 1, 2020
9. The good fight
Believe it or not there are ways to communicate that don’t involve constant quarreling.
I have two:
The first was that if you’re not fighting at least once a week you’re doing something wrong.
And second, once your married flirting should stop because you’re already together so what’s the point.
— Madeleine Handley (@sheismadeleine) August 1, 2020
Believe it or not there are other things.
Extreme emphasis on the amount of sex that should be had. “If you’re getting grumpy at each other, you probably haven’t done it enough” that…is not the answer….and doesn’t…apply to everyone?!?!
— Literally So Much Pizza (She/They) (@yeetintospace) August 1, 2020
7. You are his
In a romantic sense, sure, in an ownership sense, nope nope nope nope nope.
The “wise elder’s wives” in fundamentalism used to tell the college gals (because if you were still single after college you’d be that way forever) “Once you get married you must quit your job/school. Never allow yourself to feel freedoms you shouldn’t. You are his now” ?
— cherie vann (@cherievann) August 1, 2020
6. The conversion rate
I guess it probably depends on how seriously you each take your faith.
“Never marry someone of a different religion than you, because one of you will HAVE to convert.” Nearly 6 years now, and it hasn’t happened yet.
— The L says we need Medicare For All (@LchanPlays) August 1, 2020
5. Don’t get comfy
So you want me to spend the rest of my life uncomfortable?
I see “don’t get too comfortable around each other” a lot, like don’t let your partner know you poop and fart… this will not be possible as you get old lol
— give guns to whales (@bbeepbeeep) August 2, 2020
4. You’ll always wonder
Yeah, this seems like a sad justification.
My mother said to me:
“If you marry the wrong person, you’ll know right away. If you married the right one, you’ll wonder for the rest of your life.”
It left me so sad to know this is how she viewed her marriage and the result for her of being married was scarring and cynicism.
— J0nes (@___j0nes___) August 2, 2020
3. Happy wife, happy life
This mentality has always sort of reeked of “marriage is all about running around trying to make sure your wife isn’t angry” and painted, for me, a pretty grim picture of the idea.
“Happy wife, happy life” You should never sacrifice your happiness for someone else’s. Marriage is a partnership and both partners need to be able to build contentment and happiness individually and together.
— the cat will bite (@thecatwillbite) August 2, 2020
2. Just kidding
Pretty absurd and insulting.
I once heard the advice that if “you don’t want kids after getting married then you don’t truly love your spouse.” I have never wanted children & have been with my husband for ten years now, married for four of them. Still don’t want kids, but we’re both pretty dang happy
— Lacy Pellegrini (@LacyPellegrini) August 2, 2020
1. Hit the joint
Some couples find that keeping general finances separate saves them a lot of headaches.
That you absolutely must have a joint checking account. It was about the two in one mentality. I thought, not if one of you has bipolar disorder and impulse control issues.
— laura Lautaret (@LauraLautaret) August 2, 2020
So, if you want some good marriage advice, maybe just follow the opposite of all that.
What’s the worst advice you’ve ever gotten?
Tell us in the comments.