I have to imagine that in the last 20 years that have been entirely new realms of psychology opened up and endlessly scrutinized as we learn the changing ways in which people interact given the platform of the internet.
On the one hand, we’re very careful not to say the wrong thing before a global audience, and tend not to be too merciful to those who aren’t careful.
On the other hand, we just kinda tell the world whatever about our personal lives and don’t really think twice about it.
Like in these tweets.
14. New record
“I don’t even know where to put these now.”
“could a depressed person do THIS?” she says at 12:15am as she folds her laundry that came out of the dryer six days ago
— rattata dad (@OfficialSharlie) July 4, 2019
13. Toast of the town
Weirdly enough, just, I have been here.
Anyone else go through that occasional phase where toast and butter is just the tastiest fucking creation on the planet and you have to restrain yourself from eating an entire loaf of bread in 10 minutes or is it just me
— ⚡February 8th⚡ (@th3_fr3shprinc3) May 29, 2019
12. A mess of contradictions
This is what it means to be human.
Does anyone else feel like they are a lazy perfectionist with ADHD and chronic fatigue who is pretty chill besides the occasional panic attack and loves their friends but hates people?
— Hannah Berner (@beingbernz) February 17, 2020
11. Extremely online
Yeah, that’s more or less how it happens.
dating someone who’s not as “online” as you is weird. in the span of two hours my girlfriend will read a book, go for a walk, and cook a meal while I’ll still be trying to figure out why communistdaddy69 thinks I’m a moron
— keyvan (کیوان) (@islamphobiacow) April 11, 2021
10. Limited time only!
I cannot fathom anyone’s idea of a relaxing vacation including racing to a buffet counter at the crack of dawn.
Why tf do hotels breakfast be so early ? i'm on a holiday trying to relax but my mom is screaming at me at 7am to go eat a croissant
— kweenmochi (@itsyagurlhere) April 3, 2021
9. Saving grace
The minute you’re born it’s already too expensive.
i would have started saving money in kindergarten if i knew my life was gonna be like this
— adnan (@Adnerazzurri) August 5, 2020
8. Red leather, yellow leather
And that’s how the snowball effect gets rolling.
If your leather couch is peeling, I’m definitely gon peel it some more if I see it
— Rubba. (@RubbaBand_Grant) April 10, 2021
7. Fine dining
Yeah but what do they say when you order an iced tea?
I love when we go to IHOP or Denny's and people say "You eat here???!" I'm like.. Is there a Gucci Egg somewhere I should be eating?! WTF?
— ICE T (@FINALLEVEL) January 23, 2017
6. The roast limits
Alright. Not here. Not in front of everybody.
When Y’all Both Roast Each Other And Hold Back On That One Joke That’s Going To Cause A Real Fight?: pic.twitter.com/LX2ritdVfe
— Marii? (@shxluvsmarii) February 5, 2021
5. Vroom vroom
I don’t know about either thing which is why I’m of no use to anyone.
relationships should be 50/50 i teach him skin care and he tells me why my car makes that noise.
— oh, that bitch? (@Kyleighmorgan_) February 9, 2021
4. Clip clop
We make entire movies about brave horses who have no concept of what’s happening.
i can't watch war movies without thinking about how the horses didn't sign up for any of that
— no (@afroelven) April 12, 2021
3. Waiting for your appointment
It’s true though! There’s the commuting to the appointment, the getting everything in order for it, giving yourself extra time not to be late, worrying about it, it eats your whole day.
I hate how I am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person
— Paprika (@AlexMarieMartin) December 10, 2020
2. Down for the count
Weirdly inspiring.
Count Dracula was 412 when he moved to England in search of new blood.
Sauron was 54,000 years old when he forged The One Ring.
Cthulhu had seen galaxies flare into life and fade to darkness before he put madness in the minds of men.
It's never too late to follow your dreams!
— Angry Robot (@angryrobotbooks) April 17, 2021
1. Hit the dab
Uh oh.
Mom found the dab torch now I gotta make creme brûlée for the whole family or I’m fucked
— denim chicken (@kiefericson) December 9, 2020
I must confess, those are all pretty funny.
What confessions would you like to unload on the internet today?
Leave them in the comments.
