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People Talk About Why Setting Timelines for Relationships Are a Path to Disappointment

We’ve all see the timelines on social media that say by the time you’re 25 you should have this job, this relationship, this amount of savings.

And we’ve all rolled our eyes and moved on with our days.
But it sticks with you.

One Tumblr user under the handle @claryfairhild spoke out about how ridiculous these timelines are, particularly the ones about relationships, and how they mess with young women’s heads.

Posted in the r/tumblr thread on Reddit, @claryfairhild laid out her arguments for relaxing and letting love find you on it’s own schedule.

I'm so done with the way girls in twenties are treated. I'm so done with people who literally create timetable for us. 20-24 find a guy, 24-26 make him propose to you, 27-29 get married. I'm so done. I do not want to get 2 a.m. texts from my best friend who is freaking out that she is gonna die alone. I do not want to see my 20 years old friend wasting her time on some guys whoare not even interested in her. I do not want to see us falling for every nice guy who does not look creepy. I do not want to see girls get sad or paranoid just because they do not fill in the scheduled. You are ok. You sould enjoy your life at its fullest and one day you will find 10/10 so do not pursue 6 just because you do not want to be single. It is ok and one day you will find someone. Do not split your love with people who does not deserve it. Keep it for yourself and when time will come you will know. I know it hurts. I know you wish you could just open part of yourself and release the buzzing love. But not every kind of love is romantic. Show it to your family, friends, plants, yourself.

Image credit: Reddit

Another user, @kaerya didn’t strictly disagree with @claryfairhild, but she had a point to make.

She explained that people stress out because of the inarguable fact that not everyone finds their romantic love story–and that’s okay.

Not a real criticism, just an expansion really, but... it's not just the timetables we need to get away from, but the goal itself, I think. One day you will find someone--sounds comforting, but the reason it doesn't lay fears to rest is because we are all smart enough to know it's not necessarily true. My aunt is over sixty, never married, and never, so far as I am aware, ever even had a great romance. She dated a lot, but never clicked and now seems to have given up. She dated a lot, but never clicked and now seems to have given up. My mentor is over seventy, divorced her asshole husband more than half her life ago and has never found anyone since. We all know women (and men) like these. And because we know them, we know that one day you will find someone is just... hogwash. Because sometimes you just... don't. Or sometimes you do, but he turns out to be a cad. Or you do and the universe rips you apart in the most unfair way possible. And because society has us so fixated on finding our other half or whatever, we view these women as cautionary tales.

Image credit: Reddit

It’s true. We all know people like that.

But never fear, @kaerya went on to explain.

It doesn’t mean life is any less worth living.

But... My aunt trains dogs. Her schipperke is the national champion for his breed. She spent so much of her life as a librarian, nurturing the love of books in kids, myself among them. I ride horses because of her, and it's one of the very few things I do that makes my soul feel at peace. My mentor is one of the best criminal defense attorneys in her state. She has devoted her life to fighting to ensure that everyone gets a vigorous defense. Because of her, countless people have had the opportunity to turn their lives around. Because of her, they've had a life to turn around. Because of her, the prosecution and the police in her jurisdiction are forced to behave ethically and adhere to the rule of law. She's still, even now, fighting to abolish the death penalty. It's because of her that I am pursuing the life I am.

Image credit: Reddit

It’s such an important message that often gets lost, especially for young women.

We all want to love and be loved. We all watch the fictional rom coms and hope for our Colin Firth to find us.

And it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that “love actually is all around.”
You just have to be open and willing to see it.

These women's lives are not nothing. In fact they are a whole lot of something, and it makes my heart hurt that I ever, in my dark 3 am's thought of their lives as something to be avoided at all costs. So love your family, your friends, your pets, your gardens. Love your job or your hobby or your raison d'etre, whatever it is. Love sunsets and the smell of rain and yourself, and don't love these as something to do as a placeholder until the buzzing, romantic love comes, but love these as things worth loving all in themselves. It's f**king hard some days. The dark 3 am's still come sometimes. But most days, I am so much more at peace knowing that I am not incomplete or waiting, but that my life, if it ended today, is worth it because of the platonic, familial, friendship love I have shared. And if the other kind does come someday, that'll be nice, but it won't make any of the others less. It'll just be caramel sauce on a sundae--tasty and wonderful, but the sundae was perfect without it too.

Image credit: Reddit

At least one user was moved by this important thread.

I needed this today.

Image credit: Reddit

And over on Twitter, users agree that the timelines are silly.

Others are proclaiming loudly and proudly that we need to give platonic love its due.

These are all such good points, not just for young women but for all of us to remember.

Don’t take things for granted. Live life and embrace what you love.

What do you think about all of it? Let us know in the comments.

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