Grievance runs hard in this family, y’all.
And you that when someone refuses to help out a parent, things have been bad for a while…
So is this woman an a**hole for how she’s treating her mother?
Take a look at her story and tell us what you think in the comments.
AITA for refusing to help my mom now that her husband is sick and throwing the past in her face when she pleaded with me?
“My mom and I (25f) have a contentious relationship. We have been mostly estranged for the last 7 years. I say mostly because she has made some effort to stay in touch while I faded away.
My dad d**d when I was 4. Mom and him were not married but they were together. She leaned heavily on my dad’s family for a couple of years. Then she moved us away so she could start a better life for us.
After moving she met John and married him. I was told, more than once, by John and my mom, that John was now my father and I was told to call him dad, refer to him as dad with others, and not to correct anyone who used the term dad/father.
I was to correct those who said he was my stepdad. I didn’t want to do this but I was punished and John yelled at me multiple times for “disrespecting his love” and I was berated and told he was stepping up to take me on as his daughter and the least I could do is to respect him as my father.
When my mom gave John children, it became very clear he never saw me as his. I was treated differently. I was not given the same anything. Yet the rules remained in place that I call John “dad” and would get punished for any instance of not. Mom always took his side, always backed him up, always agreed that he deserved some kind of respect for this stuff. I still have some bitterness over this.
I didn’t want John to be my father but at the very least if I’m going to be forced to address him as such and to correct people who spoke the truth, I felt like I should have been treated better at least. But that didn’t happen and I moved out the day I turned 18 and stopped speaking to or seeing my mom and John. She would reach out, sometimes I would read or listen to hear speak. But I felt good not having them around.
Now John has been diagnosed with a neurological condition and my mom is caring for him. She asked me to come and help her. To help him. To help out their children. I refused. She told me she needed me, they needed me, and I’m their daughter. I told her I didn’t care, I wouldn’t help and after everything they had done, they deserved nothing from me.
I told her she failed me as a mother and as far as I was concerned they were already d**d and buried and nothing to do with me. She said I was being unfair, holding onto the past too much and lacking in compassion. She tried to tell me to think of the good times. I told her she failed me. She forced me to say stuff I didn’t want to say as a kid in order to appease her husband who didn’t treat me like his kid anyway.
A family friend reached out after the disagreement and told me I should be ashamed and while they were imperfect back then, they are still my family and I piled on a woman who is doing the hardest job imaginable (caring for a sick loved one).
Check out what Reddit users had to say about this.
This person said she’s NTA…not by a LONG SHOT.
And this individual said she’s NTA and they offered her a plan of attack.
Another Reddit user had some ideas about how she should handle this situation.
What do you think about this story?
Let us know in the comments.
We can’t wait to hear from you!