No one ever wants to feel like they associate with bullies…and no one wants to be married to one.
But that’s what a man is struggling with after he got fed up with the way his wife was acting…
And now he wants to know if he’s a jerk for calling her out. Let’s take a look at what happened.
AITA for calling my wife a bully, knowing it would trigger her?
“I (M36) work as a bus driver.
I’ve been doing the same route for about five years and I’ve gotten to know my regulars pretty well to the point where I’d consider most of us friends. I enjoy my job and conversation and socializing comes easily to me. My wife (F36) works in an office and drives so she’s never really met any of my regular passengers.
So I’ve been married for about five years now and we’ve got two little kids (M4 and F1) and every few weeks we do The Big Shop where we go to the big Asda (Wal-Mart for you Americans!)
Everything was fine and we were getting through the list with the kids sat in the trolley when I hear my wife make a noise of disgust and I look up to follow her gaze and see one of my regulars, getting her own shopping done, let’s call her L (F27).
L is a goth. Very monochrome color scheme, always in black velvet and lace, black lipstick, powdered white face, some visible tats, the works. But she’s a lovely girl, very sweet, works as a sign-language interpreter at a local secondary school, involved with Age Concern in her spare time and working towards a PHD.
All-around nice young lady. My wife launches into a snarky tirade about her appearance (“Look at that, why would you choose to look like that? Just asking for attention then probably complains she can’t get a job. She looks like a witch, it’s creepy, wouldn’t want that in any place of work, probably on drugs, etc etc”)
I told her to stop it, as she was being very rude and judgmental but kept going and saying increasingly worse things about L, not even toning down her vitriol in front of the kids. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t the best guy when I was younger and if I’d seen L when I was in school I probably would have made fun of her too but we’re all adults here and I think it’s time we left that attitude behind us.
Even if I didn’t know L, I’d think that sort of talk inappropriate, especially as my oldest is very impressionable and due to start school in September and I don’t want him thinking that’s an acceptable way to behave. My wife was bullied severely during her teen years and she’s told me how much of an impact it has to this day.
Eventually I just told her to shut up and stop acting like the same bullies that made her life hell when she was in school. She shut up quick. She hasn’t spoken to me since and I got an angry text from SIL telling me I hurt my wife ‘beyond words’ and how dare I compare her to her school bullies who traumatized her so badly as a teenager.
I’ve tried explaining my side and how I want to set a good example for the kids and also that L was a friend of mine (who gave us a congratulations card when we had both our children) but neither one will listen and I’m thinking I might have gone too far.”
Here’s how folks on Reddit responded to the man’s story.
This reader said that the man didn’t act like a jerk and that his wife is just upset because she knows that he’s right.
Another person said that there’s no doubt about it, the man’s wife is a bully.
And maybe she’ll reflect on that and want to talk about it at some point…
Another person said that not only is she a bully, but it’s probably rubbing off on her kids, as well.
And this reader said that the man was not wrong for doing what he did and that, in the end, calling out his wife will actually be good for their kids.
How do you feel about this man’s actions?
Sound off in the comments and let us know what you think.
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