If you haven’t been married before, then you don’t really know what it’s like to be hitched.
It’s really as simple as that.
And today we’re going to hear from folks on AskReddit about what they wish unmarried people knew.
Pay attention, people…
1. Still the same.
“The problems that existed before getting married will be there after the reception. Marriage doesn’t (and shouldn’t) change anything about your relationship.
I had a friend who’s life goal at 14 was ‘grow up get married and have babies.’ That never changed. So she grew up, got engaged to the first guy that she could browbeat into proposing to and was married less than 2 years after meeting him. I visited a few days after the wedding and jokingly asked her ‘How’s married life?’
And I’ll never forget the confusion in her voice when she answered ‘It’s just like living together. I thought something would be different.’”
2. A big one.
“Being married shouldn’t take away from having a good relationship with yourself.”
3. Not always…
“Not everything requires compromise. Sometimes the answer is, you both do your own thing separately.
Think about what the impact a decision has on you and your partner before going immediately into negotiations.”
4. Need a solid foundation.
“Kids change everything completely.
Time is no longer your own, especially with infants and toddlers.
If your marriage doesn’t have a solid foundation, DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN.”
“It’s not you vs. spouse.
It’s you and spouse vs problem.”
6. Get help if you need it.
“Getting married is easy. Staying married is hard. Get help if things seem too hard. My wife and I both carried a lot of childhood trauma into our marriage.
A counselor helped is both understand that and gave us tools to handle it. We would have divorced without the help.”
“Find someone who is your biggest cheerleader and vice-versa, no matter what, life is so much easier.”
8. Can’t agree on everything.
“You don’t have to argue or “fight”. You’re different people and it’s OK to not agree on everything. It would be weird if you did!
I see a lot of people “fighting” because they’re always trying to get the other person to come around to their point of view. Accept that you’re different and have fun together.
In addition to loving each other, you should like each other.”
9. Do your own thing.
“It’s okay for your relationship to look the way you want it to. Don’t worry about stereotypes or society standards. If you enjoy separate hobbies, great.
If you want to play video games together well into your 40s+, go for it. As long as you’re not being a**sive towards one another I really do think there’s no right or wrong way to do marriage.
It took me a few years to realize I didn’t need to fit some “wife mold” due to the way I was raised and I’m so much happier now that we live exactly the way we want to.”
10. Choose love.
“Love is a choice. Once you choose to commit to your partner, choose to keep loving them. Choose to respond with love and compassion. Choose to put them first, and vice versa. There are definitely exceptions to this, like abuse and cheating.
If you go into marriage with a self-centered focus and telling yourself you can leave if things get hard, then you will. Marriage isn’t transactional, where if they don’t meet your needs 100% then you should leave. Marriage really should be a partnership where you are both trying your best and recognizing that what your best is will vary based on your circumstances.”
11. Best friends.
“During a long relationship you will face devastating emotional events (ie, death of parents) that will test the limits of your bond. If you married anyone less than your best friend, your relationship will not survive.
The divorce rate of partners who’ve lost children is almost 67%. My wife and I have lost our son, and both sets of parents during our 38 years of marriage, and we wouldn’t have survived if not for the fact that we’re best friends who are emotionally bonded beyond the bedroom.”
12. Dealing with problems.
“When a problem comes up, think of it as ‘we as a couple are collaborating on a solution ‘ rather than ‘ one of us will have to compromise’, which makes it feel combative.
Of course, sometimes the solution is for one of you to compromise, but that slightly changed framing makes a huge difference going in to a discussion.”
What do you think about this?
Talk to us in the comments and let us know.