You might THINK you know everything there is about married life, but until you’re actually in the thick of it, you have no idea.
And today we’re gonna hear from folks who offered up advice about what they think people need to know about marriage before they get hitched.
Let’s take a look.
“Don’t marry the person you get along well with — marry the person you fight well with.
It’s easy to get along with people, and there are plenty of people you can have a great time with. But finding the partner whose fighting style is compatible with yours is the mark of something that can last.
Some people need fireworks and drama, some rarely strike out, and the subtlety of when they do can belie the depth of their hurt or need. When you find the person that you can conflict well with, you become strongest at the breaks.”
“Treat your spouse better than you treat strangers.
We have friends who were polite to service people and distant acquaintances, but skipped the manners with their spouse. ‘Please,’ ‘Thank you,’ and showing appreciation goes a long way. If your spouse is the most important person in your life, treat them that way.
All those little shows of respect and caring add up over the months and years. Thirty-one years after our wedding, we say ‘Thank you,’ ‘Please,’ and ‘I’m sorry’ a dozen times a day.”
3. Let it go.
“Learn to let some stuff go.
There will be points where you are going to want to k**l each other, but you figure it out and move on.
Don’t stay mad forever about something that probably isn’t that big a deal in the grand scheme of things.”
4. Road trip!
“My advice is for couples to take a weeklong car trip together before getting married. Does your partner like to go off the route and meander through the countryside?
Do they believe in driving straight to the destination and not stopping unless it’s urgent? Are they aggressive with other drivers? And do they need to stay at 4-star hotels, or are they OK with a Motel 6, if that’s most convenient?
Some of these things are values, and others are about flexibility.”
5. Take your time.
“Don’t get married during the honeymoon phase. Wait until it’s been at least two or three years and you’ve seen them happy, sad, glad, and angry.
Also, note the way they act toward others when they are angry, because that’s how they will be with you later on. I was with someone who acted like such an amazing person while we were dating, and they turned into a psycho after we were married.
It was devastating to me! But marriage is hard work, not a fairy tale, and knowing that reality will help.”
6. Good examples.
“Make sure you know what a healthy marriage looks like.
I grew up with parents who had a terrible marriage filled with a**se, and that’s what I believed was normal. But it caused so many issues when my husband and I first started dating. I learned that I had to surround myself with other couples who had healthier relationships than what my parents had.
I truly believe that if I hadn’t done that, our marriage would never have lasted, because I wouldn’t have seen or learned what healthy marriages looked like.”
7. Just the two of us.
“Know that it’s the two of you in the relationship, not other family members — they are your supporting cast.
If you start dragging in others, you’ll have even bigger problems.”
8. No compromises.
When you compromise, someone loses. When someone wants what the other doesn’t, there’s a need. Find out what that need is.
And remember, it’s the two of you against the problem. Work with each other to solve it.”
“The most valuable piece of advice I received was, “You are vowing to stay together — you are not vowing to stay the same people.”
Man, did that hit home, and honestly, the more I thought about it, the more comfortable I have been through all the changes. My husband and I are not the same people we were 13 years ago, but it’s been wonderful growing with him.”
10. Very important.
“You don’t have to spend every waking minute together.
Spending time with your friends, keeping your own interests and hobbies, and even vacationing separately is OK!
If you love going to the theater and your significant other doesn’t, find a friend to go with. Nothing ruins Hamilton faster than your spouse rolling their eyes, asking, ‘Is it over yet?'”
11. Not gonna happen.
“Don’t go into marriage thinking you can ‘change’ your spouse — you can’t.
Believe first in your heart that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, through the ugly and the beautiful.”
12. The big issues.
“If you plan to marry someone, you NEED to discuss kids, religion, politics, end-of-life care, and d**th.
So many people go into marriage thinking they can persuade their partner later into or out of their opinions, but it never ends well.
Talk about the uncomfortable stuff — it will be so much easier in the long run to either figure out how to work it out or realize it’s not a good idea.”
Now we’d like to hear from you.
What do you think people should realize before they get married?
Talk to us in the comments and let us know. Thanks a lot!