Sometimes, you can just tell by the opening credits…
I’m talking about a flashing red warning sign telling you that a movie is gonna SUCK.
In fact, I tried to watch a movie a few weeks ago and I knew that I was really not going to enjoy it by the opening credits and the opening scene.
It turns out my Spidey Sense was right again!
What’s the first sign that a movie is gonna be bad?
Here’s how folks responded.
I haven’t seen you forever!
“She gets swept off her feet by the hot single dad who runs his own small business.
Bonus points if they went to high school together.”
“If it’s a non-modern piece with modern hair and makeup in it.
Mascara, eyeliner, and plucked brows on all the women in settings where there is no way they would be doing makeup or even have access to tweezers.”
Don’t do it!
“None of the characters understand that sneaking away from summer camp to have s** is going to start a murderous rampage of all but one of the remaining summer campers.”
“If there are multiple trailers for a comedy movie but they use the same joke in all of them.”
Not following this.
“It doesn’t have a real establishing shot, and I spend the first 15 minutes trying to figure out where and when the narrative takes place.
Also, if the dialogue feels unnatural.”
“It’s an adaptation and the director or the studio already discusses the changes he made which makes it clear they don’t understand the audience.
Percy Jackson -> “We aged the characters and added in Romance”
Golden Compass -> Take out the Religious controversy to appeal to the American audience.
And other stuff they’ll blab like “We wanted to make it more inclusive and did this” (Read – I didn’t focus on the main story plot because it was more important to include my agenda in. And I hope you take note of it).”
Not a fan, I guess…
“Starring Rob Schneider.
Rob Schneider derp de derp. Derp de derpity derpy derp. Until one day, the derpa derpa derpaderp.
Derp de derp, da teedily dumb.
From the creators of Der, and Tum Ta Tittaly Tum Ta Too, Rob Schneider is Da Derp Dee Derp Da Teetley Derpee Derpee Dumb. Rated PG-13.”
“When it’s a remake/reboot/sequel/prequel/spin-off/adaptation/crossover/whatever of a popular movie/tv show/comic/book/video game/etc. 99% of the time, they’re cynical cash grabs with no artistic merit and no creativity or originality whatsoever.”
“They start throwing out buzzwords unironically
As someone who loves progressive themes in movies, the second someone tosses out something like “toxic masculinity”, I know it’s not gonna be good.
The primary rule in story telling is “show don’t tell”, and a lot of movies that want to be progressive and “make people think” don’t think their audience is smart enough to figure out stuff like symbolism and nuance and basic storytelling, so they’re gonna smack you over the head with just how progressive they are.”
Not buying it.
“For animated movies, if the trailer really pushes the celebrity voicecast, shows mainly the gags and action scenes, and has generic modern pop songs, it’s going to be bad.”
In a world where nothing makes sense…
To be clear, not all forms of narration in film are bad. But there’s a very specific sub-type that always makes me cringe.
If the Narrator is a separate character altogether who never appears in the film proper, and their narrating style is incredibly self-indulgent to the story itself. ”
And so the hero did x, little knowing of the role they had to play in events…” Anytime I hear a line to that effect, I tune out. It just sounds like a little kid’s writing and pulls me right out of the experience.”
“When the main actor in the trailer is k**led off quick or hardly in the movie.
So many movies this days do this thing where they hire well known actors for a few scenes but put them on all the posters and make it like there the main character.
Bruce Willis is the biggest example of this he even sold his likeness or what ever it’s called when they let other actors wear there face through deep fake but it’s still credited as him.”
What do you think about this?
Sound off in the comments and let us know.
Thanks a lot!