Folks, let’s get real for a minute.

You and I both have people in our lives who take FOREVER to reply to text messages…or they just don’t return them at all…

And today we’re gonna finally get some answers about why they do this to us!

Check out what they had to say.

It’s gonna be a while.

“Sometimes the way my mom texts is more or less “vaguebooking” and it takes a lot of mental energy to determine potential meanings, let go of my layers of annoyance or frustration, and choose a response that doesn’t potentially lead me down an aggravating conversational path.

For example, that I don’t follow their religion anymore which my mom claims to have chilled out about but I can tell she tests the waters a decent amount, i.e. using a book she’s read or recent situation as a potential jumping off point.

Except if I called her out on it she could easily claim she wasn’t, so I cheerily reply in a (sometimes obviously avoidant) way that pretends she must’ve meant something else.”


“Some days I don’t feel like talking to people.

Don’t get me wrong, I love cell phones for a lot of a reasons. Safety alone make them pretty fantastic. Like with getting lost or needing help if something goes wrong.

At the same time Im tired of living in a world where I am expected to be reachable at any time, and if I’m not people can get upset or feel offended. I promise that’s not my intent, I’ll get back to you, but I also sometimes just want to be doing my thing without distractions or obligations.

The world before cell phones had a different pace that I kind of miss. There wasn’t this expectation of immediacy in communication which nowadays creates anxiety. There’s something to be said about how technology and our desire for instant gratification have amplified our anxiety as people. Sometimes it’s nice to unplug.”

Good point.

“You set that expectation by responding immediately. Don’t do it. Set the expectation that you respond to texts when you’re available and that it sometimes takes a day or two.

Task switching means I often disembark in the middle of conversations. People know to expect it. It’s totally fine.

Also, chat is meant to be polite. In my mind, it implies “answer when you feel like it”. Phone calls are the opposite. They say “stop what you’re doing right now and talk to me”.”

Being cautious.

“Sometimes I don’t know how to respond.

Especially if it’s just the word “hi”.

Responding just feels like it could be a Pandora’s Box that I don’t know if I want to open.”

No time to talk.

“Some people think that if you send them a text, it means you’re in a place to actually talk and phone you immediately.

My dad is one of those. If I wanted a conversation or had time to speak, I would have called. But I’m not, so I texted in between jobs…”

No energy.

“I don’t have the energy.

Also, it’s great for avoiding getting into a whole back-and-forth text conversation that never f**king ends. Usually if I wait a while between responses, the main/important points still come through but it doesn’t become some long stupid text conversation.

I don’t want to be texting with you for half an hour straight. I also really don’t want to talk on the phone, so I don’t want to give the impression I’m available and sitting on my phone when you text me.

Talking in person is how I prefer to talk. Texting is mostly a way to facilitate meeting up. If the person is too far away to meet up, we text in advance to set a specific time to talk on the phone or FaceTime.”

Take your time.

“Ironically, it’s because I often try to be thoughtful in my responses.

Sometimes I will read a message and I won’t have the will or time to give it the thought or depth that it requires, so I’ll put it off to when I can really think about it.

Oftentimes it slips my mind because my working memory is kind of trash.”

You’ll get to it eventually.

“I’d much rather intentional and thoughtful conversation than replying just to reply. I also rarely touch my phone when I’m engaged in hobbies, at work, or social functions.

That’s a lot of time where i simply won’t check my phone unless it’s an emergency. Now that I can send messages completely hands free, I will occasionally send a few when I’m driving, but still generally don’t.”

Old school.

“I grew up at a time where I couldn’t be reached and asked to do things 24/7.

I didn’t give up my right to time for myself because technology makes it possible for me to be reached at all times.”

Don’t half-a** it.

“I wanna give the person my whole attention and not replying something half-a**ed.

And I a lot of things on my plate so it might take time until I have that attention to give.”

Do you have friends who do this?

Or maybe YOU do this?

Talk to us in the comments and let us know!