With some couples, there can definitely be a power struggle when it comes to job-related issues.
Who makes more? Do we relocate because of one person’s job over the other persons, etc. The possibilities are endless.
And a woman who is admittedly the breadwinner in her family asked the fine folks on Reddit’s “Am I the *sshole?” page if she was wrong for asking her husband to turn down his dream job.
Let’s see what happened.
AITA for asking my husband to turn down his dream job for my career?
“I’m going to be vague for privacy reasons, sorry.
I (33F) am the breadwinner of our household. I have multiple, highly specialized degrees for a niche industry. I make 200k+, with potential to get in the 600-M’s range. My company has not been hit that badly by COVID, so most of us have kept our jobs, but we’re held to strict standards.
My husband (36M) has a broad degree/work experience. He quit his job right before COVID hit, hoping for a better job in the meantime, and I was supportive. He spent a ton of time applying to various jobs, and finally landed an interview at Organization X.
This is his dream job, in almost every imaginable way (I can’t be detailed). However, it’s paying about 65k a year, which would be fine except this job directly puts my job stability at risk.
My company and this org. are adversarial, at best. My field is extremely secretive, and if clients discovered my spouse was working for a competitor, I would be permanently tainted. I wouldn’t be able to get a job in the industry forever. I know this sounds like an exaggeration, but I promise you, it absolutely is not.
It’d be like if I worked in protecting the privacy of celebrities, and he worked for TMZ. If he tapped my car, got into my work devices, he could use that to advance his career, and any trust I have in this field will be gone. Even if I trusted my husband not to do that, my clients and company don’t. Worse, b/c my background is so specialized, this is the only field I can work in.
I asked him to drop from consideration for this job, since if he got it, we’d lose my income. 65k a year cannot support us in this city. Plus, he does not have to work for this organization. Even if the job market is awful right now, his background gives him access to a wide range of jobs, but I only have this one, niche field.
He was extremely angry, and said I was “selfish and only cared about money.” I told him that if he wanted to go back to school for an advanced degree or just be unemployed for a while, I would support him, but taking this job isn’t possible.
He continued the process behind my back, and got the offer. He wants to accept it, b/c he says his career needs to take priority and that I wasn’t being a supportive wife.
I feel so betrayed, and I’ve contacted all relevant higher ups in my company to inform them. I notified them as soon as he got the interview, b/c it’s better coming from my email than from a background check.
I told him he could decline the offer, w/me watching him physically decline it, or he could accept the offer and move out immediately. I would pay for him to stay two weeks at a hotel, and we would begin divorce proceedings. My company is willing to take care of all of my legal fees.
I feel f*cking awful. I still love him. I moved decisively, b/c this was the best way to cut my losses, but it still hurts. He called me heartless and cold. It’s true that I was prioritizing my career over his, but it felt like the only option at the time.”
Let’s see how people on Reddit responded to the woman’s story.
This person said that the woman was NOT wrong for her actions because of one major reason: she’s built a whole career and her husband seems okay with throwing it all away over ONE job offer.
This person said that what the woman’s husband is doing amounts to sabotage and that she did absolutely nothing wrong.
Another Reddit user said that the husband is making a really bad decision and is effectively putting his job offer over their survival.
Remember, she makes a lot more dough than this guy.
Another individual pointed out that this isn’t anything new between the couple. She told her husband a long time ago that him taking this job would mean the end of this career for her.
And finally, another reader pointed out that the husband’s actions only add up to one thing: pure selfishness.
And they added that this might very well be the end of their marriage.
What do you think about this?
Is this woman being a little harsh to her husband?
Tell us what you think in the comments!